Family Drama.

Since all the people who read my blog mind their own business - I guess- I will make this super easy for you. I'll post about the party and how wonderful it was. Then, I will post about my family, my family drama, and all things (most of it, and my version anyway) that happened during my family's three weeks visit :S

That way you don't have to read it all. If after reading about the party you feel compelled to know about the drama, well, then... it's your choice. 

THE PARTY

I planned this party on my own :)

Well, it wasn't like a big chore. My gift to them has always been the cake, and buying every single thing that involves the cake. I decided to do Cat in the Hat cupcakes and cake pops because Libby likes Dr. Seuss' books. They were a success. 

I won't even mention my disappointment about the frosting melting, and the hats falling over. I was upset, but I didn't let that ruin my fun. Still I think that Libby loved them, and that is all I cared about. She loved them... She ate like four. And I thought the hats were gross to eat since they are pretty much pure sugar (fondant), but a three year-old with a sweet tooth didn't mind. You'll see the photos :)

NOTE TO SELF by MICHAEL SCOTT:
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever... MAKE CUPCAKES OR A CAKE TO EAT OUTSIDE IN TEXAS SUMMER, OR ANY OTHER SEASON IN TEXAS.

Espantasuegras

Ready to kill her cake

Swinging

Listening to Happy Birthday

Blowing their candles

Sharing cupcakes

Hanging out

Nana Angeles and Enzo

Eating her second slice

Biting a hat

I personally think it was a great idea to have the party at the park. It was kinda hot, but that way the children could just do their own thing, and I didn't have to worry about entertaining them or anything. Plus our apartment is so small for all the crowd who came. There was no way 24 people could have fitted in my home. Eight of those were children. So... nope. Less cleaning, no washing dishes, no messes in the carpet. Win-win for everybody -mostly me- but everybody was happy. Pizza, soda, cupcakes -what else do you actually need? LOL!!

Enjoying the party

Eating the second cupcake

Opening gifts

Eating another cupcake

Bite that hat!

Libby and Emerson got lots of gifts. Emerson got lots of good beer, and Libby got some toys, and candy. I personally liked very much that she got some crayons and special stickers and stuff for the flight to India. I felt tempted to give them to her, after all they were hers, but I didn't. I'm sure I won't regret it.  

Pretty eyes

Sad face

Eating... yep, a cupcake

Never let go of that cupcake

More sucking

Sucking frosting out of her arm

Holding the pinata

Banging the pinata

Breaking Kitty's Castle

Also, Daddy got her a telescope to watch the stars with her. She really likes the binoculars, so he thought it would be a nice idea. They haven't used it yet, it has rained a lot, and there have been lots of clouds. Hopefully they'll get to use it before we leave for India. 

Mama helping

Emerson hitting his pinata

Opening her gift

Took it out

And so finally, here we have it...

THE DRAMA

I'll be fair to everyone, at least I'll try. Just as I have been really open about my faith in this blog - I don't see why I wouldn't be since this is my blog, and my life and my stories I'm sharing- I'll be open about my family. Of course this is my opinion, and my view on things. So people outside my family can have their own opinions, you know. This is my version, and how I see things from the inside since I'm part of my family; and outside, since I don't live close to them anymore.

Now if people inside my family happen to read this and don't like what I said, well... maybe they can start their own blog, and blog about it. This is my space, and I won't say anything that is not true. I need to come to terms with the fact that this stuff goes on in every single family at different levels. My family is no exception. Also, this blog is mainly being written for my children, and they need to know - I need to teach them- how to love people in spite of people loving them or not, or even people being lovable or not. 

God sent Jesus to this screwed up world to save that which was lost. We need to live by that principle day by day. If we get mixed and carried away in the family drama and all that it involves, then we have lost the eternal perspective. Family drama will always be there. But family drama, according to my faith, will one day disappear. Family drama is not eternal. I guess I want to make a point on what to do with the drama that won't ever go away while we are still living on earth. 

More than what to do about it, it's a matter of how to deal with it, and still have a relationship with your family, you know? I mean, it can escalate to the point of you stop talking to each other for years, and I don't think that's right, either.

But, oh, garsh... Where to start with my family?!
(we watch a lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse lately, so forgive my Goofy voice)

At the playground

Playing with sand

Loving the dip

Nina at the pool

Will never be a model

Getting Nana wet

I guess I'll begin by saying good things about them. Any counselor would tell you that when confronting someone you should always start saying something nice, then mention the problem, and finish with something nice. That's how my counselor taught me to deal with problems, and according to my cousin (who visited with my mom), her counselor says the same. I guess it makes sense. Nobody likes to be told, "Hey, you know what? I hate this about you...", right off the batt.

So my mom... she is nice. She is very caring, and ever since I remember she has always been concerned for others more than herself. Which in high doses, can be devastating, I guess. At a point in my life, I thought she loved her brother and nieces more than she loved her own family - my dad, my sister and me. 

My uncle was very loving with me and my sister when we were children. I loved my uncle ver much. I would go to their house and play with my cousins, and spend the night there. We would watch movies and eat popcorn. I would play with my cousins, I loved them. I still do. They were my only friends growing up, really. Christmas was a marathon at my house. They would come and never leave until New Year's was over. 

Sometimes they would stay until my dad's birthday, on January 6th. And we would eat lots of food, and stuff. It was amazing. I thought that's how it was supposed to be. I thought everybody celebrated holidays like that. Bursted my bubble when I discovered we were not a normal family. Lol!

Memorial Day at Hermann Park

Picnic

Getting dirty

Gross-dirty

Mom

Me and my mom ;)

So long story short... I posted a photo on Facebook. Then my sister commented on it mentioning my uncle. Then my uncle said nasty things about my mom on Facebook. On my photo. Things about my mom being manipulative, thirsty for power, money and taking advantage of anyone she could. 

Really? On my photo? On Facebook? It was a photo. So anyway... I deleted all the comments, and talked to my uncle privately. He said he was attacked by my sister. I never mentioned him, and it was my photo. So I said he had disrespected me by commenting on it in such a rude way about my mother. I also said I didn't care about his issues with my sister, or my mom. He had disrespected me. So he actually apologized. That was it about that.

Growing up I don't remember being conscious about these broken relationships between my family. But they had to be there. They have always been there. I don't know if with time they've gotten worse, or what... But Christmas is not spent the same way anymore. Family is growing on one hand. One cousin already got married, my sister spends Christmas sometimes with Fili's family. I moved. I think the last Christmas we spent together was when I was pregnant with Libby. It was pretty much like they had been. Honestly I was expecting something magical would happen to brighten up the night, but nothing happened.

Giving their immune system a boost :)

I think I saw everybody for who they were. I love them all. But I can see now clearly, as an adult who matured, things for what they are. Things involving everyone. Probably I am annoying in some ways to them, too. So I guess the relationship between brother and sister (my uncle and mom) deteriorated with time, and for reasons that only they know. Obviously my uncle's wife is going to side with him, right? They do think we use people, I guess. My mom and I naively think we are still family. My sister disagrees, tough. After the photo incident she doesn't talk to my uncle, or that's the last thing I heard of. This is all very recent, less than a month old.  

There are dysfunctional families, and my family is one of them. If you ask me now, after living far far away from them for such a long time, I'm glad I am not involved in that daily drama anymore. But I still love them, you see? They are my family, and they will always be my earthly family. God choose that family for me, for a reason - for many reasons. I would not be the person I am now had I not been raised there. It's like what I was telling my mom when she was here. About my past, and stuff I wrote in my book. 

Outside

At the mall

Blowing bubbles

I had repented of many wrong choices I made. I have told God I know I did wrong. My choice was wrong, but I did it. It happened, and I wasn't even a Christian. And I don't regret having done it. Don't really know if that makes sense. I have repented, but I don't regret it. The consequences of those choices have made me grown into the woman I am now. I wouldn't know any better if that hadn't happened to me. I would not be raising my children the way I am, following God, if those things hadn't happened to me. So it serves me nothing to still feel guilty wishing I hadn't done that. I already confessed, and I know God has forgiven me. So why dwell on those things forever? I am not proud of them, but I don't have to hide them, either. Not from my family. 

I am far from perfect, but those experiences have shaped me. Where am I going with this? That's a good question... 

I think LOVE is very different from BLINDNESS.

LOVE (the way God loves, and the way He wants us to love others) is patient, and kind. And it is not rude. And it keeps no record of wrongs. It always hopes, and perseveres. It always trusts... 

But LOVE IS NOT BLIND. 

LOVE is a choice you make. Jesus chose to LOVE us. Knowing how we would reject Him, He still chose to LOVE us, and DIED for us. I don't think Jesus was blind to the fact that the people He came to save hated Him. He knew they despised him, and that they were trying to find a way to get rid of Him. And still He died for them (and us). See? Jesus hoped they would change their minds. I am talking about the people in Jesus' time. But it also applies to us right now. Jesus is still hoping you change your ways, He still perseveres in giving you ways to come to Him. God is not counting or keeping record of all the times you've screwed up. 

Posing with Nana in the wagon

The train

Riding the train

It's like what I was telling Emerson last night. When we argue, I am very upset, right? But then, after a while, I am able to forgive him. And when I do, I don't hold any grudges against him. It's like his slate is clean. I don't keep a record of how many times he has done the same things to me. Jesus wants me to forgive him as many times as it's needed. Out of love. Every time I forgive, I am not thinking about the next time he will wrong me. I actually hope it's the last one. And if it's not, I'm not focused on that. I don't think about that. I trust that he will choose right the next time. And if he doesn't, it's not on me. I guess he feels the same way about me.

I think this is how God feels about us. He remembers our sins nor more once we are His children (Jeremiah 31:34). He is God. I don't think He forgets, you see? I think He chooses to forget. He is not focused on that. He chooses to believe the best of us. And if we disappoint Him, it's ultimately our choice. And we do. I do. I disappoint Him over and over. Not everyday probably, but on a regular basis. I am human. I am a sinner.

Waking Nana up

Sweet Libby

Cheering for everybody

Loving this way is not possible without God's help. It's hard for me to explain. You are not meant to love the things they do to you. I don't like my mom most of the time, but I love her. I love who she is, and I love the fact that she loves God. And I'm thrilled that I spent a wonderful visit with her. She is dealing with so many things right now. And most of the time she is very negative, and overwhelming, and controlling, and I don't like what she does, but I love her. 

I know one day she will be made perfect into the image of Jesus, because He is her Savior. And I hope for the day when my mom will be freed of all the chains that are taking her captive right now. I cried that night after we had a long walk. I want to see my mom in heaven, the way she is supposed to be. WHOLE. I don't know if I will ever get to see a glimpse of that in this life, but I know one day I will. 

Blowing candles

At the same time, loving this way doesn't mean you are supposed to let people run you over, you know? You are hurt, okay, you forgive. But what about situations that need practical application, like real life crappy situations? 

Say, you have a friend who's very gossipy. You've discovered that every single thing you tell her, she goes and tells everybody. You know that. So love her, and forgive her. Confront her. But for loves's sake, use your brain, and shut your mouth! She has proven you over and over that she might not change. You hope she will, but circumstances have proven she cannot be trusted. Does loving her mean that you need to keep telling every single detail in your life? I don't think so. It does not. You love her. But you are not blind and dumb to the fact that she gossips. You see what I mean? 

With Tigger

With The Cat

THE photo

Me and my mom, again

Another one... Say you're trying to get out of debt. Then your wife keeps on spending the money you are working for. You paid off the cards, but she keeps on maxing them out. She says she's sorry. Over and over. And you pay them, over and over. Still, they are maxed out every now and again. You love your wife. You really do, but she cannot be trusted with money, obviously. Not now. So what does love do? LOVE does not mean you let her do whatever she wants. LOVE for everybody involved means that you pay them off one last time, and then you cancel the freaking cards, close the account, or whatever you need to do. She throws a fit? Well... she'll get over it. 

Or your son is an alcoholic, and he always comes to ask for money with whatever excuse. You want to believe him, you want to trust him, you hope the best for him. But over and over again, they call you because he's wasted somewhere. You get him help, and blah, blah. But in that situation, LOVE means (to me anyway) that next time he comes asking for money for groceries, he gets nothing. Nothing. He has abused your trust. He cannot be trusted. He simply cannot. He might not be the person he wants to be. And God really hopes the best for him, but at this point in his life, he is not reliable. You cannot put your trust in such a person. Not blindly. He needs groceries? Fine. Go to the grocery store, and buy him what he needs. But you do not give him a twenty, 'cause experience has shown you he'll get booze. See where I'm going?

Tough love, they call it. 

Love. Take 1

Love. Take 2

Love. Take 3

Love. Take 4

So after the photo incident, I overheard a conversation my mom was having with my uncle on Skype. I don't have the right to talk about their issues, but those issues have escalated to the point that ever since I remember, my mom has been abused verbally by him. Ever since I remember. Now whether my mom likes being abused or not, or has a sick relationship with him, because she raised him as a son, I don't know. She was 18, and he was 15, when their mom died. You would guess they would be like PB&J, right? 

Now, he is not the bad guy, either. My mom, I'm sure, has added to the drama. I mean, in this kind of codependency relationships, it always takes two, you know. My point is that you may know he abuses you, and you love him. That's one thing.  There are also limits, and boundaries. My mom has never, EVER, established those. And I personally don't think she ever will. That's her choice. I cannot solve her life, or lose sleep over her choices. Not anymore. It hurts me because it's hurting her, but it's not up to me to make those choices. Hence, it helps being far away from them. 

Enjoying the life

Wearing Tia's galsses

My hot date :)

My sister, on the other hand, is extremely explosive. She yells, screams at your face, whatever... to the point of arguing on Facebook with my uncle putting an end to the uncle-niece relationship. Oh, yes. So I overheard their conversation. 

  

My mom has always been told by the men in her life (I guess) how awful, disgusting, not worthy, stupid, etc, she is. So she believes all those things. It doesn't matter that they are not true. She believes that as the truth. On a very long walk we had, I had the opportunity to tell her that God loves her, and that she is none of those things. God is the King, and she is His daughter. She is a freaking Princess!!! And she's been told lies all her life. So anyway, here was my uncle trashing her in person on the computer, as always, right? 

Now, according to them, there was nothing wrong. They have always had that kind of relationship, where he trashes her, and she just nods. And I was taught not to stand up for myself as to not upset anybody. I was taught to shut my mouth because we didn't want upset our family, or being disrespectful with my uncle. I don't know why... I guess she naively thought we were a family, and don't get me wrong, we are. But I guess she thought all these things were meant to be silent or ignored. You know, like the big elephant in the room. I grew up like that. Letting my uncle say whatever he wanted to say because he was my mom's brother.  

Playing in the rain

OUT!

OUT with Daddy

Sleeping arrangements with family in town

LOVE does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices with the truth. So anyway... I saw my mom as fragile as I've never seen her, and I felt my blood boiling inside of me. I asked my cousin to turn off the computer, and I asked my mom to get out of my room. Then I proceeded to tell my uncle to stop giving crap to my mom. The yelling and all began, because nothing was happening, you see? They were just... talking, like they normally do. 

I told my uncle - OK. Yes. I yelled at my uncle - that my mom needed words of love, and appreciation. She needed people to encourage her and lift her up, not people to destroy her, or bury her deeper into her depression. I told him he's contributing to her depression. 

I also said that it was my mom's choice to eat his crap once she came back to Mexico. But she was not going to eat his crap while she was in MY house. Honesty, it felt really good to say in MY house. I stood up for my mom. YAY for me!

Then my mom and my cousin left the apartment supposedly to go for a walk - I guess they assumed I was angry. I caught up with them, and told my cousin I was really sorry for what had happened, because after all he was her dad. Again I told my mom that if she wanted to eat crap, she would have to go back to Mexico, because nobody would mistreat her in my presence anymore. I guess I need to apologize to my uncle eventually for ending the conversation in such a rude way, I guess. I won't apologize for the things I said, tough. I never insulted him, or call him names. I just set some boundaries. Not for my mom. She needs to set those for herself. Love, in that case, does not mean she needs to let people abuse her. It might mean spending less time with them, or avoiding conversations that might lead to abuse, or whatever...

But I set some boundaries on how my mom is to be treated in my house. 

Another long walk

After all that, I realized that what has bothered my dad and my sister the most after all these years is the fact that my mom seems to pretend that nothing is going on. But after all we went through these three weeks - believe me, there is more to say, but I won't say it- I don't think she is BLIND. She is not. She knows. She knows what they think of her, what they say about her, and all the back stabbing that goes on behind curtains in our family. It happens, right?

I think it's upsetting to see someone be treated like that, and pretend there is nothing going on. But she is not pretending. My sister, my dad and I were upset all these years because we thought she was like, an idiot, for not realizing all these things. But she knows!! And she still chooses to love them. Again, after all we know now, I don't think anymore she is blind to these facts. She knows. And still chooses to love them. I don't think she trusts them blindly, but she hopes one day they will come around. I don't think she will trust them with her life, but she keeps on persevering on the relationship with her brother.

Nana and Libby

She is not a saint, ok? I'm not elevating to a martyr, but she taught me many things these weeks. She taught me practically what the Bible means when it says that loves covers over a multitude of sins. And that it is wise to overlook an offense. And that instead of praying for God to destroy your enemy, you should love your enemy. You should pray for those who mistreat you, and insult you. There is more courage in that. It takes a stronger person to be able to do that. She taught me to love better. It is possible to love that way. She loves, not perfectly, but she loves the way God loves... 

And I'm the one who reads the Bible every day  >(

Which takes me to another point... Conflict is inevitable among Christians and non-Christians. The way you deal with that conflict, tough, reveals what's in your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, Jesus said. It doesn't matter if you go to church or read your Bible every single day. It's all about your faith, not the things you do. It is by GRACE we are saved, not through our good deeds. It is only by faith in Jesus that we can have a relationship with God. 

At the airport

I love my mom. I argued with her every single day about what not to do with my children, how she is supposed to eat as a diabetic, how annoying she is when she tells me we eat a lot of cheese, and how much oil she uses to cook an egg. What else? Oh, yeah... about who would pay the check at the restaurant, and how long it takes her to order and then to eat... 

But she is my mom, and I love her. I am proud of who she is, and I am proud of how she loves :)

  

Celebrating everybody left :)