Mumbai 2015

"If Satan hates God, then why is he in the garden? Who let Satan in?" ~ Libby

I have prayed that my children would ask questions like this even before I was pregnant. I just never expected Libby would ask something like this so soon. I believe that children are particularly sensitive to the truths about God. It's challenging, tough, to answer a question like this. I've heard sermons about the answer to this particular question. My whole parenting philosophy -or whatever you wanna call it- is based on the answer to that ONE question. 

WHY was Satan in the garden? WHO allowed Satan to go near God's children? And if God so loved them, why didn't God stop them from eating? Basically... Why didn't God build a darn fence around the tree if He knew WHAT they would do?

Enzito

I told Libby God allowed Satan to tempt His children. Don't judge me if it is the wrong answer, but as I understand the Bible, God is sovereign over all. Satan cannot do anything without God's permission and God is not the one who tempts us to do wrong things (Job 2:6, James 1:13).

- Why did He do that, Mommy?

- So they could CHOOSE.

You see, I believe in a God who has never been alone. And I won't get technical, just for now... that's Christian Theology. The Trinity. I worship ONE and ONLY ONE GOD, who manifests Himself in three different persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I also believe God is able to relate to anyone. ANYONE. Whether you are four or ninety years old, ANYBODY can relate to God.

The God of the Bible is a God who wants to “be with” you. You were made to walk with God. You were made for a “with God” life.*

About to swim like dolphins

The challenge for me with Libby and Enzo right now -and I guess with all children- is the span of attention. You only have these small widows of opportunity, so whatever you say when you are asked these type of questions has to be short and sweet. Too much information and you lost them. That in itself is such a difficult thing for me to do because mainly I just babble when I talk, LOL!! 

Seriously, I was just telling Emerson last night that it is very difficult for me to answer open questions because I just cannot easily think only one answer. But when Libby asked me about Satan last night, when she asked why would God do something like that, the answer I gave her was CHOICE. 

God wanted His children to love Him and obey Him. And true obedience -the one that comes from a pure heart- is only shown when you actually have the choice to disobey.  

Park Sheraton, Chennai. April, 2015. 

The Christian faith is rooted in God's love for His children. God created Adam and Eve and they were immensely happy. They were able to walk with God, be with God, and talk to God like 24/7 if they wanted to. That was the way God intended the relationship with His children to be - perfect. He created them not because He HAD to, but because God rejoiced in sharing His perfect love with His creation. 

But then, the more I think about it, it only makes sense that God, as a Father, wanted His children to obey Him out of love for Him. Just as He loved them, God wanted their love for Him to be shown in obedience to Him. Make no mistake, I am not saying He NEEDS to be loved back. He does not need our love nor our obedience. But the Old Testament portrays God as a Father who suffers when His children reject Him over and over. The whole Bible - from beginning to end- portrays God as the perfect Father who would sacrifice anything and everything He has in order to rescue His creation. That's exactly what differentiates Biblical Christianity from the rest of all world religions - all of them. 

The Father loves the children and welcomes them back, over and over and over again. The kind of love the God of the Bible offers every single human being is UNCONDITIONAL. At the same time, tough, God is not an idiot or a push over you should mess with. He is Holy and Powerful. He wants obedience from us (1 John 2:3-5, John 14:15). So it is my understanding that if you really love God, you obey Him. At the same time, there is GRACE, because we are not perfect, and we keep on doing the wrong thing. But God, in His mercy -and if we truly repent- keeps on forgiving.

This kind of love and forgiveness used to make me freak out because it is not normal in my human eyes. Who would be such an idiot as to forgive over and over and over again? Seriously, no human being is able to do this on his own because it is not fair. But this is the way God forgives. Sure, it is not fair. Nobody said it has to be fair. That's why it is called GRACE.

UNCONDITIONAL :)

So my question tonight is this: Why did God let Satan in?  I hope I can answer that by the end of the post. 

We went like a month ago to a mini vacation to the hotel where we stayed when we arrived to India. It was nice to be back. People recognized us and were happy to see us. Libby was able to swim with the floaters for the first time on her own. I don't even remember what we did during the three days we were there. Emerson said we did nothing - that was the whole point. We went to eat to a Pizza Corner which we found out was bought by Papa Johns, but still has the pool of balls the children like.

Enjoying herself... finally!

We had some snacks from Amma Naana for dinner, and we swam a lot. Overall, it was great to get out of the house, because Libby is on holiday from school, and there is not a lot going on in Chennai. Yes, I am very ungrateful. There are more stories about unthankfulness to tell, so keep on reading.

So last weekend Emerson also took is to Mumbai and it was freaking awesome!!

We got up  at 4 am to get to the airport and I was super excited. I wonder why I am not able to get up like that to go run in the morning... Hmm. So we left, and we had to wait for Kannandasan at the Red Dragon. He was taking his sweet time, while our plane was waiting for us, LOL!

Once we got to the airport, we went trough security and the amount of people that travels is insane! All the people had a ticket. Emerson said you actually cannot get into the airport if you don't have a ticket. Then we landed, and when we got out of the airport to take a taxi, I saw a Starbucks. I was like, "I'm liking Mumbai already!"

Emerson says there's a Starbucks in Chennai. Why have we never gone in these ten months?! I don't know! We are going tomorrow, we'll make a point to go :))

Cockpit

We got to the hotel, we checked in, and we swam. Then Emerson had the fantastic idea of teasing Enzo telling him the sharks were gonna eat him (there were some tile fish at the bottom of the pool) and that was it. Enzo cried, he was scared and that was the last time we saw the pool. Libby said she was cold... whatever, we just didn't swim anymore. LOL!

Then we took a shower, and we went to a restaurant called Haji Ali that we like very much in Chennai. Then we went to a Shrine also called Haji Ali. And I was like, "Hmm... now it makes sense"

Haji Ali Dargah

Walking there was a pain. I mean, it's like 0.6 miles long, and it was like 95 F. That's not it, but then Libby and Enzo began whining about being tired and stuff, and there was an ocean of people so we decided to carry them. I wanted to get in, but I didn't have anything to cover my head. DUH!! I should have, SHOULD HAVE, known better, right? So we carried them back again and by the time we came back to the hotel, all of us (except Libby) passed out. 

When we got up, we got ready to visit Saikat and Sanchita, who now also have a 4 month old little boy. Saikat and Emerson were together at OSU. 

Visiting friends

That day we got to the hotel around 11 pm. Next morning we had breakfast and went to Elephanta Island, which is like Roqueta Island in Acapulco, Mexico. You had to take a boat trip and then you get to see some donkeys drinking beer, LOL!! In Elephanta Island all we saw were monkeys and some caves with interesting stones dedicated to Shiva. Also we had to climb 120 very steep steps, but the children climbed them all. They passed out on the boat ride on the way back. 

The Gateway of India

Then Emerson took us to a restaurant that is the first brew pub in Mumbai, and we had a nice lunch and a nice beer. I was so hungry. When we got back to the hotel, we all took showers, and at some point everybody also passed out. 

The Barking Deer

Then the next day after breakfast (it was Sunday and we had to leave the hotel at 4 pm) Emerson decided to surprise the children and we took them to a playground. They were very happy to be able to play around and jump. They were genuinely happy. Then Enzo... he said he had to go poo poos. And I took him out, but the bathrooms were locked, and nobody had the key because it was Sunday and nobody was there. 

Before the incident

So I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but I just did what I have been watching people do in India, specially male adults. I took my child to a corner and encouraged him to do his business. I was worried, he was crying because he was in pain holding it. Libby pooped one day in the woods in Cypress. It's not up to me when my children decide to poop or pee, and they can hold it very well, but sometimes those things happen. A lady actually gave me a plastic bad, LOL!! She also told me my child should be wearing a diaper. I don't think so, he's three and is potty trained. Why would he need a diaper?! Anyway... he couldn't poop. He was just scared or ashamed. After awhile we left, and Enzo passed out in the taxi. He gets exhausted when he has to hold it like that. 

I mean, she looks happy, doesn't she?

As we were leaving the park, Emerson asked Libby if she had enjoyed it. And then, she began crying. The crying went on to whining and just plain complaining about how much she wanted to do something else. She said she didn't want to go to that park, and that she didn't have fun at all. She began talking about other park with  balloons... I've noticed that she is asking for more and more things. She wants something and whines about it. And she complains a lot lately. Enzo is having the same attitude with food. She hurt Emerson's feelings. He was so excited and happy when he saw her playing, and then she said something like that. 

I was very upset. I just told her that she was having a very ungrateful heart, and no matter what, when Daddy does something for her or Enzo is because he loves them. She kept on whining. Then I raised my voice and told her I didn't want to hear about what she had to say. No more complaints. If she didn't like it, that was okay, but she still had to say Thank You, Daddy. She did. 

  

The Talk

When we came back and we kinda settled, I talked to her. I don't know how much she really understands, but I shared a chocolate with her. I asked her if she knew why I was sharing my chocolate with her. And she said it was because I loved her. She has been asking me lately why I do the things I do for them, like reading them books, and cooking, and giving them showers... So the chocolate was my point to start the conversation. I told her I didn't have to share with her, but I was doing it because I loved her with all my heart. And when I shared my chocolate, all I wanted to hear was a thank you from her. I didn't really want to hear how awful my chocolate was, or whether my chocolate could have been better or not. All I want is a thank you.  

I told her I understood how she felt, believe it or not, she kept on saying how much she really wanted to go to the other park with the balloons... But at the same time, I told her that she should be thankful that Daddy took her to a park. Daddy didn't have to, but he did it out of love for them so they would have a good time. And I told her I knew maybe she wanted to have fun at another park, but she can still find joy in her heart about the things that she did have, instead on focusing in the ones she didn't have at that particular moment in time. 

You can always find a reason to be thankful for, Libby.

Loving Daddy

Then it hit me, but I didn't say anything. She apologized to Emerson, whether there was real understanding I don't know, but she listened, and she is learning. I'm ungrateful, and I'm 32 years old. Thankfulness and contentment is something you  need to learn and practice all throughout your life. When we were having lunch, Emerson said she had really hurt his feelings. He felt as if he couldn't make anyone happy, and it hit me again. Only this time, I actually said something. I told him he is free from that burden. I told him he was free to stop trying to make us happy because that was not his job. I mean, yes, he has to do something, right? But mainly, it is our job to learn to be content whether with little or with much, whether living in plenty or in want...

Chennai kinda sucks, and lately I've been telling Libby how much I miss Houston, and how much I miss the parks and the slides. I have to set an example for them. I realized that day that really, every single day is a gift from God. I should know that, right? And I know it, but following God is an every day thing, and I make mistakes, and I sin. I'm unthankful on a regular basis. It's like, it's never enough. I told her that day that our eyes will never have enough. We always want more and better. But it takes faith to trust God and practice self-control, to rejoice in the fact that we have each other, and that we are alive. 

Yes, we live in Chennai. Yes, Mumbai was amazing. But we should not focus on Mumbai, because we can miss Chennai. We should be thankful that God allowed us to take a break and go for the weekend. We should be thankful and grateful.   

I guess that's something we should work on. Enzo is complaining about the food all the time. Just last night, he whined ten minutes straight because he didn't like his dinner. I warned him a ton of times to stop, but he didn't. Last thing he said was, "I doooooon't liiiike thiiiiis...". 

And that was it. Very calmly I got up from my seat, and I told him he didn't have to eat it if he didn't like it. I told him to go wash his hands and that he was excused from the table. Of course, he now whined because I took the food away, but that will let him know we mean business. I am not the perfect mother, and I don't have a manual for situations like this, but tough love sounded good to me. Seriously, how are going to learn to be thankful if we always have every single thing we want?

What kind of spoiled children we would be raising if we buy them every single toy they demand? Oh... they are asking for everything. Emerson thinks Libby is old enough to start getting an allowance, and start saving for her own toys. I don't know... I was never raised this way, for me everything was a given. And I know how much it hurts to learn that money doesn't grow on trees when you are 24. So, I guess, teaching them responsibility at this young age is a very good idea.

Messing with Camille

Same with rewards. I gave them a job: folding the dish cloths. That's their job. Today they did it without complaining. And I told them I was so proud of them I wanted to reward them with ice cream. Libby began whining about how much she didn't want ice cream as a reward, but a chocolate. So I turned to her and I said, "I am the one giving the reward, take it or leave it". She cried.

Then I turned to Enzo and I asked, "Do you want ice cream or not?" Enzo said yes. I asked Libby again, and she took it. I don't know what went into her mind, but I would've been like, "I mean, it's either ice cream or nothing, so I'll take it"

All this to say that sometimes we might question how God works in our lives, and I think that's normal. Somehow we think that we know better, and that we should get better. And we forget that all the time He is the One who gave us life. So yes, He is loving and forgiving, but He is not our genie in a bottle, and He does not share His authority with anybody. What makes me think that I know better than Him??

"Bromeas? Es un papucho"

So to wrap it up, here's my answer. So far I told Libby God allowed Satan inside the garden because He wanted them to choose. I just want to expand on that. I'm no theologian, so this is just my humble opinion. I think God gave Adam and Eve free will to test their obedience. God, according to the Bible, had created them in His image. That doesn't mean they were like God, because God does not have a human body. What HIS image means is that we as humans can reflect His character: His love, His compassion, His joy, His goodness, etc.

But Satan deceived them. He made Eve think that she could be like God. That she could know everything. Satan made her think that God was holding something from them, that after all, God didn't love them as much as He probably had told them countless times while they walked in the Garden. Satan tempted Eve to doubt God's love for her, and he was successful. She ate.

Now, with that background... Why would God let that happen, Libby and Enzo? 



I can only answer this as your mother. I love you with all my heart. I have told you many times that I would give my life for you. I want the best for you. Whatever I do, I only do it with your best interest at heart. If I, being a human being, can love you like this, how much more do you think God loves you? And me? And Adam and Eve? How much do you think He loved them? How much do you think God loves the people He created?

Much more than we can ever imagine...

La dueña de las quincenas :)

I think Adam and Eve got to experience many aspects of God. Remember He walked around in the Garden (Genesis 3:8), so they really knew who God was. They knew their Creator. They had to know how wonderful and trustworthy and faithful God was. They trusted Him. They had a close and intimate fellowship with Him. Their relationship with Him was perfect. That's the way God intended it to be. That is actually the way God wants to relate to everyone of us now. So it's not like Eve didn't know what she was doing. You know what I mean? She knew her God.

As your Mommy, I want you to be strong and courageous. I want you to believe in me, and to know that I keep my word. I want you to trust me. Libby, when I let go off you in the pool, I do it because I want to show you how you are able to swim on your own. I know you are afraid, but you can do it! Enzo, when your dad counts to ten and helps you breathe so you control your anger... You make us so proud with your self-control :)

These are issues that Adam and Eve didn't know of. They were never sad or angry or afraid because they didn't know sin. Nothing separated them from God - nothing. As a mother, guys, I want you to do the right thing. The things that I have taught you to be right. And for the most part, you do them because I coach you, and Daddy encourages you. But answer me this:

Would you still do the right thing even when no one is watching?

Mahesh Murti Shiva

Let's jump 10 years in time... You and Enzo will know that God wants sexual purity from you. Sexual immorality is a sin, and it refers not only to having sex before marriage, but it includes many other things. For now, let's just focus on sex. So far, I can make sure you have no sex with anybody because I am with you all day long. And as your mother, I can make sure that you  have no sex with anybody until you get married. How? Well, by being behind your back all day long. Is that what obedience out of love seems to you? 

Sin has consequences, you, guys. For me, in the sexual arena, there were a lot of consequences. So I can testify that's the truth. If God tells you not to do something, it is not because He is lame or boring, or because He doesn't want you to have fun nor because He doesn't love you. If He says not to have sex before marriage, it is because you will get hurt, one way or another. Sin has a way to get you. Either an unplanned pregnancy, or a STD, or many other things. Hurtful things. We know of this consequences now, but Adam and Eve were blind to all this. They needed to trust God. Just as we know God is good and we can trust Him when He says to step away from bad things, they also had to step away of the ONE thing that God told them not to do.

ITC Grand Hotel. Mumbai. May, 2015.

But suppose I go with you to the mall, to your friend's house, to your field trips, to your friend's birthday parties, to the movies, I go everywhere to make sure you remain a virgin in the body. That's not LOVE, guys. At least not in my opinion. That is me trying to CONTROL you. 

We, as your parents, are accountable to God to teach you right from wrong. And yes, we will do our best to help you step away from temptation. But we also have to teach you to follow Him closely. You are accountable to Him in the long run, your dad and I are just paving the way. But how will we ever know the real reason why you remained virgins? Was it because you actually loved God and believed in the things we raised you with OR because we suffocated you with our presence? 

How will we ever know if you would actually follow God by your own desire to follow God if we never step away? Am I making sense? There's Biblical truth in this, guys. Look it up for yourselves. Deuteronomy 32:11 talks about God stirring up the nest like an eagle pushes her young to teach them how to fly, and then she catches them.  How will you ever know if you can swim on your own, Libby, if I never let go of you? 

I think it was the same with God. God could have controlled them. God could have protected the tree or put it away, or hide it. God gave them the rule, and He warned them beforehand of the consequences of breaking it. But God also loved them. He trusted them. And out of that love, He gave them the freedom to choose.  

Mommy letting go

I don't know... it makes sense to me that God would test our obedience like that. Why do we follow Him in the first place anyway? If we follow Him out of our own selfish interests... that's not love. And if you love God, then you obey God. You want to please Him. It's normal for you, guys, to want to please me or your daddy because you love us. That submission, that obedience out of love is the one God desires from all of us. 

Anyway... this was not short but it was sweet because God was all knowing. So this would have been the end where God gets super angry and sends them all to hell... Yes, He had to punish their disobedience so He took them out of the garden. But before that He clothed His children. He restored them, and promised to rescue them (Genesis 3:15 --> 1 John 3:8).

It is not fair that at the beginning of our lives we are separated from God because of what Adam and Eve did. But God gives us the same opportunity they once had. We can freely choose to restore that relationship by following Jesus. Would you trust and obey Him? 

You sang this tonight, May 5th, 2015, to the top of your lungs before going to sleep :)

Trust and Obey

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey

 *Pete Wilson (Cross Point Church Nashville)

S.O.S.

"Uh! Oh! What's that!!?? A sound?? Oh... it's me" ~ Enzo. 


Some days I feel like giving up.

I have always been a downer... even after becoming a Christian. One of my main struggles is that I am very negative in my way of thinking. If things don't go like I expect them to go, I throw pity parties for myself, and everything looks gray. I'm not where I was at seven years ago, but still those feelings come and go. I recognize them easier now, and Emerson helps me stop my train before it derails. But the feelings are hard to ignore when it comes to my husband and my children. Duh!

I know that God is working in my life, and I'm resisting it so much. It is obvious I need to change. It is obvious that in this season of my life, God is showing me things that I need to work on. I think one of my problems is that I cry when I am sad. I feel like crying when something is not under my control.  I am afraid of making mistakes with my children. I am afraid that I'm doing things wrong... and I cry. I cry because they don't listen. I cry because if I am kind they don't listen. And if I lose my patience, and yell at them, they don't listen. So what the heck am I supposed to do? I wish there were a formula for things going they way I want them to go - always.

BOATING

Today at the doctor, we had to wait like for an hour... and my children were HORRIBLE. They cannot sit still. Other children can do it. Why can't my children do it? They never stop. They do not stop. They are always jumping, running, pushing each other, chasing each other. And I'm happy. I'm happy they love each other so much, but I'm exhausted. I'm tired that they power up against me. Libby has much influence on Enzo. She is so strong-willed... I don't really know if Enzo is, but he follows her - always. She is his leader, and he is such a great follower that they are like the PB&J of disobedience and disrespect... and just general naughtiness lately.

And I'm tired.

And I wonder why. It's not even "Why me, God?". It's more like I wonder what's the purpose for this. The other day I was reading that the purpose of the Christian life is not only to go to heaven, and that's it. And by no means Jesus is a a get-out-of-hell card. Following Jesus, yes, requires commitment. But at the same time, it is not like you have to get your act together before accepting in faith that He indeed died for your sins. He willingly paid for all the wrong things you have done, do and will continue to do.

- "Why? That's not fair... Nobody has to pay for my sins".

- "OKAY, FINE!! It's not fair. But I don't want God's justice, to be very frank".

Daddy and Mommy

Of course, I just have to preach it because Easter is coming. So suck it up...

THE HELL WITH RELIGION...

On a regular basis, there are things I think about during the night, and then I can't sleep...All these thoughts come from the burden I feel on my shoulders. But I don't think God has big expectations of me. At least not the expectations I think He has. God wants me to be free from any burden that He himself hasn't given me personally, if I make sense.  It is for freedom that Jesus has set me free. I am not supposed to live under a yoke of slavery anymore...

I cried the other night because I feel I have a burden on my shoulders. A burden I put on myself: to be perfect. To be THE Christian wife, to be THE Christian mom. All the while I usually forget that Jesus already said that I won't be these things on my own. I will never be THE perfect mom, or THE perfect wife or THE perfect Christian. I will never be those things because I am a sinner. I make mistakes. I sin - by accident or willingly. I mess up every day. When I lose it and yell at my children - impatience. When I hate Emerson in my heart - murder. When I whine about the freaking weather in Chennai - unthankfulness. When I argue with my mother - not very peaceful. When I worry - unfaithful. When I snap at people at the playground mainly - not self-controlled. I just can't do it on my own. I cannot be the person the Word of God asks me to be. I just don't have it in me.

Daddy and Irfan

Am I supposed to quit my faith then? Am I supposed to do as everybody does? Am I supposed to settle for less than what God wants me to be just because I cannot be as holy as He calls me to be? What does it mean to be holy as HE is holy? Can it be done? And if yes, then how?

"I am the TRUE vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing. If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" ~ Isa al-Masih.

[Of course I want my Muslims to read this. Who am I kidding? I've told them all these things to their faces over tea, over Chinese, over biryani, over Tryst, in my house, in their house, at VGP, at Hot Chips, at Vasantha Bhavan, over tea again, over samosas, over curry and chapatti... Don't fret Muslim Brothers and Sisters in their faith - if there are any reading my words. They have been faithful to the Ummah, and have told me quite clearly that no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. I am kafir, I know... And it is very likely that I will die in shirk. But they don't lose faith in me, and I don't lose faith in them. And that's the essence of our friendship. The nine of us love Allah. I submit myself to Him, but I can't be a Muslim. 

The Nunez and The Irfans

What can I tell you, Samina auntie? I'm failing miserably at your First Pillar of Faith. I don't believe in my heart the second part of the Shahadda. But I love my hottie, with all my heart... She's such a blessing to me, and she's so fun to be around. She cannot control herself at times and has told me openly I am going to hell - literally. She is bad at poker face. But she can be sweet with me if she really wants to, and is a very determined woman (to Irfan's misery). And no, we are not living together, although 90% of the times you call I'm always in the background. My mom is jealous now.]

Faiza - my hottie ;)

I want to be fruitful. The fruit God gives you is love, joy, peace, faithfulness, self control, patience, kindness, compassion, goodness, gentleness... And Jesus said to ask for those things. He said to ask for whatever of those things I want, and it will be done!! What? You took the whatever you wish out of context? Yeah... it doesn't mean a car, or a house, or any material stuff you want. I think most of us had thought that at some point. 

It seems at first glance that the Bible is a book of rules I have to follow. Dealing with Irfan uncle over tea for the past five months, I'm most convinced that Biblical Christianity IS NOT a religion. I knew that before, but now it is exploding out of my head. Because for the most part, I haven't gone to church for -gosh- almost a year,  I think. But I don't feel guilty. Going to church, or reading my Bible, or not eating food dedicated to idols are not buckets on my checklist. 

I have a relationship with the living God. 

My boys

The Bible, as much as God has allowed me to understand it, is not a book of rules. Yes, it does have some rules, and they show you how life works best and why. But the Bible isn't mainly about us and what we should be doing. The Bible is most of all a Story. A Story about what God has already done in our behalf.

The Bible is like a mirror. It cuts soul and spirit, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart of any man. It reflects who you are versus who you could be. Anybody who reads the Bible as a whole, and tries following it as a book of rules to gain God's approval will fail miserably. No matter how many times you pray, give your money away, go to church, fast, and try to be your very best - you will never be perfect. You will be worn out trying to follow the rules, and then, of course, Christianity will be only that - your religion.

When you treat God as a genie - following or trying to follow all the rules - it will come a point in your life when you realize things in real life don't work out that way. Because God does not work out that way. You cannot put God in a box.  Then you blame God, or worse, you blame yourself. Maybe you are not praying enough. Maybe you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing. If only you try harder, if only you had more faith... And your faith becomes dry and boring, a duty to perform. If it doesn't work, you actually try harder. And sometimes it works. But what do you do when it doesn't work? You are at risk of giving it up altogether and just faking it...

Good job making PB&J's!

Play by the rules to get the results you want. Do this, do that. If you do this, then God would do that. A very well-man-established system to get to God. Do's and Don'ts. That is my definition of religion. And I don't like that game. Sometimes, without realizing I start playing it, but it has never helped me or those around me. That's why I chose to follow the guy who came with AUTHORITY from God to abolish religion - all religions. Jesus never intended for Christianity to be called Christianity. He never intended for the cross to be a symbol for His church. He never called His followers Christians. That word was actually used in those days to refer to them in a negative way. Jesus' followers called themselves followers of THE WAY because they followed HIM.

Qareena and my boy

So you could be a Muslim, or a Hindu or whatever you want to call yourself and follow HIM. Become His disciple. Study His teachings and live your life by them. If you live your life based on His principles your life will change. Even if at the end of your life you never acknowledge Him as your Savior, I assure you, at least you will have lived a better life. Of course that's not what Jesus has in mind for you, but that's your problem - not His. All I want to say - if anything- is that Jesus never called anybody to become Christian or to live the perfect religious life. He came to heal the spiritually sick. He came to give life to your life - abundantly. He came to teach us how to love - perfectly. And by that, by loving the way He loved, His disciples are to be spotted.

Now, let's eat it...

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. I am the narrow way" ~ Jesus [emphasis mine] 

Okay, fine. I feel I need to tell something to my children right now...

YOU, GUYS, ARE TERRIBLE. 

LIBBY, YOU HIT ME ON THE CAR ON PURPOSE. YOU PULLED MY HAIR, ON PURPOSE. YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I SAY. YOU LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE AND DEFY MY AUTHORITY. YOU DO AS I TELL YOU YOU SHOULDN'T, JUST TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN. YOU ARE VERY STUBBORN...

ENZO, YOU ARE SUCH AN EXCELLENT FOLLOWER OF YOUR SISTER'S WAYS. YOU ARE SO STUBBORN, TOO. YOU CRY AND THROW FITS. YOU SAY NO TO EVERY SINGLE THING I ASK OF YOU. YOU HIT HER, PUSH HER, AND PULL HER HAIR WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.

I DON'T HATE YOU, GUYS. I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH LATELY. YOU ARE ALWAYS GETTING IN TROUBLE EVERYWHERE WE GO. BUT I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU. YOU MAKE HEAVEN FEEL SO REAL. OUR FAMILY IS GOD'S GIFT TO ME. YOU, BOTH, ARE LITTLE INSTRUMENTS THAT GOD IS USING IN SHAPING MY CHARACTER. OH, BOY... WHAT WAS I THINKING? THAT BECOMING LIKE JESUS WAS ACHIEVABLE BY ONLY GOING TO CHURCH? OR READING MY BIBLE? NO, I HAVE TO DO WHAT IT SAYS. THESE ARE THE TRIALS OF THIS LIFE...

VGP SLIDE

YOU TRY MY PATIENCE EVERY DAY. YOU TRY MY KINDNESS, MY GENTLENESS. YOU ARE KNOCKING MY SELF-CONTROL OUT. BUT I BELIEVE GOD IS USING YOU TO MOLD ME INTO THE WOMAN HE WANTS ME TO BE. HE WANTS ME TO BE LIKE JESUS. HE DOES. AND THAT'S THE TRUE ESSENCE OF THE CHRISTIAN LIFE: TO BE A DISCIPLE. TO LEARN FROM HIM, TO LEARN TO DO WHAT HE WOULD DO. TO LEARN TO SAY WHAT HE WOULD SAY. TO FOLLOW HIM CLOSELY. AND I'M FOLLOWING MY SAVIOR TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY WITH HIS HELP. 

AND YOU ARE BEARING WITNESS OF HIS POWER, TOO. DO NOT LET ANYONE LOOK DOWN ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUNG, GUYS. BUT SET AN EXAMPLE.

LIBBY, YOU HAVE A SERVANT'S HEART. YOU ARE ALWAYS SERVING ME OR DADDY, DOING THINGS FOR US THAT WE DON'T EVEN ASK FROM YOU. YOU BRING US WATER. YOU GIVE WATER WATER TO ENZO, OR DAANU, TOO. YOU ARE VERY MISCHIEVOUS - VERY. BUT YOU HAVE A SPARK FOR LIFE THAT IS DIFFICULT TO FIND. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, AND YOU DON'T QUIT UNTIL YOU GET. 

DAANU'S BIRTHDAY

ENZO, MY ONLY BOY. MY BOY. I AM PROUD TO BE CALLED MOMMY BY YOU. YOU CALL ME KARLA AUNTIE ON A REGULAR BASIS NOW, AND I'M TIRED OF TELLING YOU I AM NOT YOUR AUNTIE. I AM YOUR MOTHER! BUT YOU ARE SO SWEET, ENZO. YOU HAVE - I WOULD SAY- A LIKABLE PERSONALITY. PEOPLE LIKE YOU. YOU ARE RUDE TO PEOPLE, UNLESS YOU REALLY KNOW THEM, BUT THEY LIKE YOU.

YOU HAVE PASSION IN YOU. YOU STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF AT THE PLAYGROUND, AND I WAS SO PROUD... I THINK I WOULD BE ONE OF THOSE MOMS WHO WOULD YELL, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!", IF IT EVER COMES TO THAT. YOU HAVE DETERMINATION AND CURIOSITY.

FORGIVE US, YOU, GUYS, IF WE GET TIRED OF YOU ASKING WHY ABOUT EVERYTHING. PLEASE, NEVER STOP ASKING. WE'LL RECHARGE BATTERIES AND WILL KEEP ON ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS.

Ayerah, Faiza and Qareena

IN ALL THIS MESS THAT INVOLVES RAISING YOU - BECAUSE THERE ARE MESSES- THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE, BECAUSE WE DON'T DO IT ALONE. GOD IS WITH US. AND THAT'S WHY I CRIED AT THE HOSPITAL TODAY IN FRONT OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHEN YOU GUYS WERE HITTING EACH OTHER ON THE DIRTY FLOORS. I CRIED BECAUSE GOD LOVES ME SO. HE LOVES ME PERFECTLY. HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY. HE LOVES ME NO STRINGS ATTACHED. HE LOVED ME FIRST, BEFOER I EVEN LOVED HIM BACK. AND THAT'S WHY I CAN CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU FREELY.

I CAN LOVE YOU WILLINGLY - NO MATTER WHAT.  SERIOUSLY, WHEN I SAW YOU ON THE FLOOR, YOU BOTH IGNORING ME,  I ASKED IN MY HEART, ''WHY? WHY DON'T THEY LISTEN? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG?"

AND THE STILL VOICE IN MY HEART SAID, "ISN'T IT DIFFICULT TO KNOW BETTER AND STILL BEING IGNORED? ISN'T IT DIFFICULT BEING A FATHER WHO GIVES IT ALL UP FOR THEM, AND STILL THEY REJECT YOU?"

THAT WAS GOD. THAT WAS NOT ME.

LUNGI DANCE- FAMILY DAY

THEN I CRIED EVEN MORE... BECAUSE THE SAME THINGS THAT I DEMAND AND EXPECT FROM YOU, ARE THE SAME THINGS THAT SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN DO MYSELF WITH GOD. I THINK I KNOW BETTER. I THINK I'M FINE. I  DON'T LISTEN. I DON'T OBEY WHOLLY. I THINK I CAN DO FINE ON MY OWN. I AM GUILTY OF THAT.

AND THEN, THERE IS GRACE. BECAUSE LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON, A FATHER WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE DOOR OPEN FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO COME BACK.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT TONIGHT. AS YOU WERE PASSING OUT, I POINTED THE NEED FOR A SAVIOR BECAUSE I SIN AGAINST YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU SIN AGAINST ME, GUYS. AND ALL OF US SIN AGAINST THE GOD WHO GAVE US LIFE. AND THAT'S WHY WE NEED HELP. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, THE STANDARD AGAINST WHICH WE WILL BE JUDGED IS GOD HIMSELF. ANYTHING LESSER THAN A PERFECT LIFE IS NOT ENOUGH. I AM JUST SCREWED. WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? I NEED A SAVIOR. 

Too much swimming

Posing for the camera

DAD AND I ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING HERE. TO RAISE YOU IN A WAY SO THAT WHEN YOU GO ON WITH YOUR OWN LIVES, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD. WE WILL NOT BE THERE ALL THE TIME, BEHIND YOU. WE WANT YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS, ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. WHOLE. WE WANT YOU TO LOVE GOD, AND THEN AS A RESULT TO LOVE PEOPLE - ALL PEOPLE. TO WITNESS THAT LOVE THAT GOD GAVE US IN CHRIST.

WE WILL SEE... I PRAY THAT ONE DAY I WILL SEE THE FRUIT OF OUR LABOR. THAT I REJOICE KNOWING THAT YOU ARE WALKING IN THE TRUTH. BUT IF YOU ARE NOT, OR IF YOU WANDER AWAY, OR IF YOU REJECT IT ALTOGETHER... KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HIDE. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RUN AWAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEAR. WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. WE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOUR CHOICES, EVEN IF WE DON'T AGREE.

Sathya ma'am and Libby

Libby and Julian

Libby singing

WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE ARE ABLE TO DO SO. NOT BECAUSE OF US, BUT BECAUSE OF HIM WHO GAVE US THE POWER TO LOVE SACRIFICIALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY.

WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, PEDORROS, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY- NO MATTER WHAT.

OUR FRIENDS :)

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us... He has risen, just as He said.

~Rom 5:8, Matt 28:6

HAPPY EASTER, PEOPLE!!! 

Ma vie de femme au foyer

French classes rock! So far so good...I'm studying some things that I already knew so maybe that's why. Still I think that a mental block has been lifted up. When I was studying French in college, I was always trying to get it perfect, word by word, but learning a new language doesn't work that way. It just doesn't work that way... I didn't know this - of course- because at that time I was still in Mexico, not in the US. After moving to Ohio, tough, I realized translating word by word was useless. I don't know how it worked out, but eventually my brain began - little by little- thinking in English.

So now when I speak English, I could talk on and on and on without even translating into Spanish any single word. Speaking English is just normal. Natural. And there are things that don't make sense, and do not translate, but that's the way it is. This has been so far my approach to French, and it's working wonders. 

Playing with Sister at her school :)

Je suis femme au foyer and it makes me cry sometimes! Ha ha ha! My children drive me crazy almost every day, but it is really something to see them mature and grow. Enzo is talking more and more, and Libby is turning into someone really wonderful and delightful to be with. This happens more often than not, because my children are not perfect. But she is very kind, and always looks after her brother. Enzo... not so much. LOL!

Preparing the zebra costume

I think Libby was awful at some point. I have to go back and read my own words, but if I remember correctly I used to talk about her tantrums and how she would throw things or herself to the floor. Enzo is doing the same. The new thing is that now both of them hit each other. Libby is defending herself and Enzo is getting stronger, so she cannot bully him anymore as she used to. So it's hard because on one hand I want him to stand up against her because she is a bully, but then she plays victim. And Enzo is a boy, and no matter what, I want to teach him, you never hit a woman. Even if she does things that would grant her a slap on the face, you control yourself... walk away, yell, hit the pillow, but you do not touch her.

Good friends

Apart from that, sometimes when he cries a night, she goes to his room and from the outside tells him she would protect him, and care for him. And she gives him Camille. Sometimes she sneaks him into her bedroom so that he stops crying altogether and let her sleep. They love each other. They fight like crazy, but they always make the peace, and forgive each other from the heart. And they really move on. Enzo is struggling so much lately with his anger, and self-control. This, too, shall pass. But it is difficult to be every day with a boy who constantly tries to hit me with his head, or throws stuff when he gets upset -which happens almost every 10 minutes- or just throws himself to the floor. I don't know what happened... he was so sweet. Ha ha ha!!

Her first love :)

In other news, Enzo is now worshiping idols according to Libby, which makes him a pagan. I don't know how they talk amongst each other so naturally about this, but naively I want to think that it is because of all the seeds I'm planting. Not only me, but Daddy and BSF. So you can hear Libby talking on a regular basis about Moses and the golden calf, and how the earth swallowed them up, which in the movie we watched happens after the calf, but it wasn't like that... Anyhow, you hear her singing some hymns they sing at BSF, and both of them are pretty obedient at BSF - we should go every day, LOL!!

We talk about stuff, real life stuff. Libby asks many questions lately about different religions, as much as she can grasp, I guess. It might be because she hears me talking sometimes with Emerson or because I explain stuff to her. Like for example, the elephant she calls "The elephant swinging on the swing" is not an elephant swinging on the swing, but it is Ganesh - a Hindu god (There is an ornament on the wall at school where Ganesh is swinging on a branch).

My zebra

And the lady at the school tells her, "It is Lord Ganesh!!" because she gets upset when Libby says it's an elephant. When we leave the building Libby begins talking about Lord Ganesh, and we talk about how it might be their Lord, but not ours, so we do not call him Lord. Then I explain more stuff like what Hindus believe, and so now she knows that Sugirda auntie is Hindu, and Faiza auntie is Muslim. And I don't really know how she processes these things in her brain, but it must be funny to think the way she thinks.

We've been spending lots of time with Faiza auntie, so Libby told me the other day she is now a Muslim as I was putting her to sleep...

- Oh, you are?
- Yeah...
- What about Jesus?
- I love Jesus.
- Of course... That's a good Muslim answer. So you are not a sinner...
- Yes, and Jesus died for me, and for Enzo. Then he rose again.
- Does Jesus have a dad?
- Yes. God is His Daddy.
- And you say you are a Muslim...
- Yes.
- O-K-A-Y...


Muslim-Libby FAIL!!

Doctor Libby

Then I proceeded to tell her how much I loved her no matter what she would choose to believe in as she grew up, but then she gave me a face like, "I know, and I'm tired of hearing it", so I stopped. She is not very corny or cuddly, just like her dad.

Emerson came back from China. I think God answered every single prayer of mine. He gave me lots of tolerance, and patience. There were situations that I handled much better. I think perspective and prayer can change a lot of things. Walk by the Spirit, it says, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh... And the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... That happened a lot. Maybe Emerson should go to China more often, ha ha ha!!

So handsome!

There have been many stories that I'm forgetting I'm sure, but I've been so busy doing life, which is great... I don't feel like documenting every single thing that is happening in our lives lately. It is so personal, tough, that I wouldn't even write about. I just write about it in my personal diary. I have like three or four, and they are kind of a mess... I have information here and there about things here and there. We are having fun. Like, Libby had this eye infection. Then Emerson forgot to put the antibiotic for one time and the infection came back. Then I got the infection. Then he left to China, and I had one of those awful allergy attacks that I was having a horrible, horrible runny nose for days and couldn't breathe. Then I was chewing gum at my class, and suddenly I was chewing my own filing, and I have to go to the dentist tomorrow... But really, we are having fun.

AWFUL...

Just awful...

We went to a wedding, we see cows every day, Libby was a zebra at school, and she also had Sports Day. In between those things I miss home. This doesn't feel like home, and I don't think it will ever feel like it. If it does then it will be time to go back. Ten months and counting, Emerson said.  I like the food, tough. And it is home because we are all here. And the people are making it feel like home, but at the same time I get frustrated with many things. But that's the way it is. We discovered a nice place to eat pizzas, and the children had fun playing in the open area.

Wedding

Libby likes school, but I don't think she loves it anymore. Enzo is going thru a rough patch, and as much as I want to send him to school next school year, I don't think I will. The principal asked me the other day why I hadn't signed him up this year and told me she wants me to sign him up for next school year. "Sure, you want more money...", I thought.

Sports Day

But he is not going... Nope, not yet :))