Pericles...OUT!

Today is not a good Friday. I guess it is, I'm just overreacting to the fact that I miss my baby already. Emerson kicked my baby out of our bedroom, without even asking for permission... not that he has to ask, I just didn't think he was serious today when he said we were gonna have a movie night to celebrate someone was moving out.

Emerson came from work with a huge case, and I had no idea there was a projector inside. We took Dori to the vet for some vaccinations she needed, and then picked up my prescriptions at the pharmacy. Oh, by the way, Nicole (my OD) said my eyes look great.  I had a follow up with her after two months of being taking the prescription drops. She was sincerely happy I ended up going to the ENT to get to the bottom of my never ending itchiness. She recommended I continue taking them until the end of times, because allergy medicines make the dry eyes worse, so... I just don't want to push it. The good thing is that I know now that a vial is enough for four applications, not just one. Bear with me here.

At Dr. Nicole Bauman's office

The pharmacist at the drug store will tell you to dispose of a medicine who has expired. But I do remember some things from school... it's still okay to take it after one or two months, you won't die, and the medicine still works. Once you open a vial of the eye drops, you need to take care of the tip not getting contaminated, that's why you shouldn't touch it in the first place. But this pharmacist told me I should only use it once and dispose of the rest of the medicine. But Nicole told me it's okay to use until the vial runs out of medicine, even the manufacturer says that, according to her. We are talking about drops that are $80 with insurance! And only God knows what will be the price once I fill up the fourth prescription. 

So what the pharmacist wants me to do is use two vials a day, to run out of my sixty vials in one month. But one vial last actually for two whole days. We are talking about 120 whole days of medicine.  I can live paying, let me rephrase that... Emerson can live paying 80 dollars every four months (instead of every  month) for a medicine I will use until Jesus comes and picks me up, which I believe will be in a long, long time. Like Mr. Jeff says, and I really want to believe that, God is not ready for me yet :)

Cypress Creek Park (NEW!!)

Squirrel

Worm

Enzo swinging

Sharing the horse

Riding Horsie

So anyway... once we came back, the children were having dinner, and Emerson started cleaning up the room, and moving the crib out; and then, just like that, he was pushing it in Libby's room (now the children's room). I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "I told you someone was moving out". He then proceeded to set the projector up, and he got ready a show for us to watch, the Super Readers.

"Daddy, mmhm!"

My husband is not a jerk. He said last night that I always make him look like a jerk in my posts. If anything, I think he does the things he needs to do for our own good, and even though I don't like it sometimes, I still go with it, because he is right most of the time. Enzo moved out last night... I didn't hear a thing in the middle of the night, and I slept very well. I think he woke up at 5:30 am, but Libby slept through his crying. We picked him up at 6:30 am, and Libby was still sleeping. I nurse him, and he went with Emerson grocery shopping.

Enzo's name was the first thing coming out of Libby's mouth when she woke up. I cried a little bit last night. I felt like Emerson was taking my baby away from me, I really did. But then I saw them sleeping, and I knew they belong together now. They are gonna have great nights together, I'm sure. The napping during the day is tricky, because Libby gives Enzo books, and toys, and Enzo doesn't stop crying... but they'll get used to it.

Super Readers

Night nights

Growing babies

I'm trying NOT to take pictures at all this week because we are going to San Antonio this weekend with some friends from church; I know coming back I will have a long, long post to write. So as far as I can tell, I have taken some pictures, but not tons of them. 

Enzo is walking more and more now, using the couch. Sometimes he uses the lion, but he doesn't really walk forward. He is very tired at the end of the day because he is not sleeping well since Libby is singing and reading during nap time in the same room. I think that's helping because both got up today (Monday) at 7:30 am, or at least that's when Libby got out of her room and came to mine (I told you it took me days to write a post). It's nice not to hear a thing in the middle of the night. Even when Emerson gets up to get a shower, I do hear the noise, but it's not the same as your child screaming his lungs out. I don't know... it was just a love-hate relationship, ha ha ha! I nursed him to make him quiet. But now when I see him in the morning, I am rested and happy, and I drink my coffee, and he nurses -he actually nurses instead of falling asleep- and everybody is happy.

Siblings

JUMP!

Libby can really jump now... I'll try to post later a video of her new pool, that's the thing now, we played for about an hour this morning. I don't remember if I wrote about it in the last post, but we are also doing the lesson of the day. I print some working sheets about letters, and shapes, and horizontal or vertical lines, and she does that in the morning while I show Enzo some flashcards. Nothing fancy, I guess, I just want to entertain her, and she likes it. She even says, "Lesson d-day". I've never forced her to write or anything. Enzo eats the cards for now, but so did Libby at his age.  That's better than watching Old McDonald all the time, she asks for it all day long every day... But I'm a party pooper, and we just watch it once a day.

Lesson of the day

Letter C

Letter D

New Pool

Getting ready for a time-out

I didn't want to write about this, but I guess I should for future reminders. Most of the time I think I am a good mother, well... a great mother, actually. What can I say? I have good self-esteem. But then something happens that makes me feel like I really suck at this, and that no matter what I do, my children will recriminate me for something I did or say to them, even if it was only that one time... You know, sometimes I fear they will want to raise their children in a way that will be completely opposite to the way I am trying to raise them, as if I wasn't a good enough mom to them. I guess I fear this because I avoid doing what my parents did to me. I was hurt sometimes, but maybe my parents didn't know any better. Maybe I'm messing up big time and I don't see it, but Enzo and Libby will notice it. 

Anyways... so here we were on Sunday getting ready to go to church, and Emerson and I got into an argument, and I was putting Libby in the car seat, and then all hell broke loose. She began crying, Enzo began crying, I was upset... I asked her three times to get in the car seat and she didn't do it, so I held her and made her sit down; then she wanted to get out of the car seat, and I was pushing her down trying to buckle her up, until I gave up.  I yelled at her telling her to get out of the car, that we weren't going anywhere, that if she didn't want to go outside the house then we wouldn't go. I yelled at her telling her to get out of the car, and of course, now she wanted to sit down. I yelled at her, "No, no, no, we are not going anywhere" - I don't know how many times.

Ready for bed

Begging for his milk

About to throw himself to the floor

Tantrum on Dori's bed

"Where's my milk?"

"I just want my milk!"

Tantrum

She came back to the apartment crying, and I got into their room, and began crying, too. I was sad, but mostly very angry. I just wanted to go to church, but it seemed like I was the only one ready to go (not that the children know anything about that yet). I realized I had just yelled at my daughter for not wanting to do what I wanted her to do, and I was angry at her for no apparent reason. I was actually mad at her dad, but Libby was the one I took it out on. I felt guilty. After I cried for a long time, I asked her to forgive me. I said I was very sorry, and she hugged me. I still don't know if she understands when I say I'm sorry, because when I say I'm sorry, she also says she is sorry, as if she were the one who wronged me.

Even after saying I was sorry, I felt sad, and guilty. Emerson told me I had to let go of those feelings because I'm the one who says that God forgives me when I sin, if I truly repent. Guilt doesn't come from God, but from Satan, that's very biblical. Then I felt afraid of who I became, and sad for doing those things. I looked at them, and cried at the thought of them hating me in the future for doing these things to them... I made all these stories up in my head about stupid things, and I played me yelling at her over and over again in my head, and cried more and more. Then Libby started to play with a blanket. 

When she was struggling with that blanket on the floor (she was trying to extend it) she began holding her breath, and kind of breathing heavily. She began getting more and more frustrated. I tried to hug her and told her it was okay if she needed help. But she kept on saying, "No, Mommy, no, Mommy". I saw more and more frustration in her face, and after several minutes she was crying on the floor. I tried to hug her again, but at the beginning she refused to let me touch her. After trying extending the blanket she cried again. This time I forced her into my arms, and rocked her as a baby. That's our new thing lately, too. I tell her she is my baby girl, and I wrap her in a blanket, and sing the songs I used to sing when she was a baby. 

Tall Enzo

He likes Sissy's pillow

Down

Stuffed

Eating mashed potatoes

New faces lately

Angry

Mobile

So I was rocking her as a baby, and I asked her if she was sad and frustrated with the blanket. She began crying in my arms. I told her I was very, very sorry for what had happened. I said I had lost my self control, and I had let my emotions rule over me. In my anger I had sinned... I told her she needed to control herself with the blanket, too, and that I knew I had to lead her by example. I said -again- I was sorry for behaving the way I did. I said we could work together in our self control. She hugged me again, and we continued struggling with that blanket for about ten minutes. I wanted to show her how to do it, but she wanted to do it on her own.

After ten minutes of trying, she was able to extend it. And it was like something weird clicked, she was happy again, and she hugged me this time, but it was like closure, you know? It looked like she took all her emotions out on that blanket. All that she probably felt for me talking to her that way, and watching me cry finally came to an end. She was herself again, happy and loving. I felt the same way. We both needed that. I let go of my guilt after that, she helped me, she really did. It is amazing how God can use your children to teach you things. My daughter forgave me :) 

Emerson has noticed that she holds her feelings, too. The other day she kept on telling him, "Bye, Daddy, bye, Daddy", but she really wanted to cry because she didn't want to go to sleep. Every child is different, I guess. I never thought she would be that way, hiding her emotions and feelings. I am the same way. So, tomorrow is the Proverbs 31 Bible study, and there are some questions about moms and stuff. I am the only mother in that group, and I think they are gonna ask me about how I teach my children about Jesus, what's my legacy for them, and how I use my wisdom with my children, even when I am angry. Go figure...

I will never say this happen because God made it happen. It was my fault, and my poor choices that led me to explode that way with my daughter. God, however, used it in a mighty way. My answers last week (I do my homework in advance when I have free time) said, "I rock as a mom", pretty much, which is very far from humble. After Sunday I changed them to, "I suck balls", which is not true at all, and they just reflected the emotions of the day. I was exhausted, and my eyes hurt for all the crying... 

Blueberry tart

Eating it

My quality control gal

The tart

Tomorrow is the next to last meeting of the study, and I'm still trying to figure out this character of  the woman in Proverbs 31. I know she was not in drugs, but she seems to perfect not to be. She was an excellent wife, businesswoman, manufacturer, importer, manager, mother, counselor, realtor, farmer, gardener. Her husband had absolute trust in her, she got up before dawn, managed everything in the household, she spoke with wisdom, she wasn't lazy at all, and her children actually honored her and respected her... Was this lady for realz??

I was still feeling pretty bummed yesterday. No guilt, but just that feeling that I knew I had messed up. Then I remembered Andy Stanley. He preached once on the perfect family. The perfect family doesn't exist. There is no family on the face of the earth that actually lives and does EVERYTHING that the Bible says. There is no one that lives it to the 100%. So if you don't like God or the Bible because you think you have to obey all the rules the Bible has, this is good news: You don't have to!

Did you know that all those rules God gave the Israelites were given because they were a new nation? They used to be slaves in Egypt, and God set them free, you know, Moses and the Red Sea... with Charlton Heston, and The Ten Commandments. God wanted to show them how to live free. God knew, however, there was no freaking way they were going to obey all the rules. That was the main thing. They didn't know killing was bad, until the law said killing was a sin. But they still killed. The fact that there were rules to obey didn't mean that they obeyed them all, it only showed them how sinful they were, and their need for a Savior -Jesus.

Andy Stanley said there is no way we can do it all perfectly, but we need a golden standard. Patience is the golden standard, and if I struggle with it and have set backs, it doesn't mean I don't even have to try... I need to try, to keep trying to achieve it, keep looking for the ideal, not because I will do it perfectly in this life, but because the ideal is worth it. Patience is what God wants. It is what's best for us. And if God says it is the best, then we should desire it, too, to please Him.

On the way back from my 7 mile run

This Sunday I realized my need for a Savior. I need Jesus, and I told Him so when I was crying. I really wanted to go to church that morning. I am forgiven. My children are forgiven. You are forgiven, you just need to take your forgiveness. I am not the perfect mother, but sometimes I think I am. Days like Sunday give me a reality check, and help me stay grounded to the fact that I do need someone to save me, to help me, to teach me, to lead me, to guide me, because I do not know better, even if I think I do.

And I don't care if some times the laundry doesn't get folded, or if Emerson has to ask me to iron his work shirts because I forgot and he needs them, or if Dori barely eats twice a day, or if my allergies suck, or if my veins act up, or if  I don't close the cabinet doors, or if "I didn't get to work on my PhD because I have babies, college friends". I don't really care if I am not a merchant, or a business woman, or if I don't get up before dawn -excuse me, I am just not a morning person- or if I am not a manager, or a counselor, or a gardener or a farmer... The proverbs 31 woman is the ideal.

I don't know if she existed, but I don't think she did to be honest. Scripture never talks about anyone being THAT perfect other than Christ. Even Paul got into some argument with Barnabas over Mark. Paul was so stubborn to give in. If the Proverbs 31 woman was real, Scripture doesn't talk about her sins and mistakes, but she had them, she had to had them, because she was a human being who needed God to save her. She did everything to please God, her fear of the Lord made her the woman she was (Pv. 31:30).

I am not perfect, and as much as I want to strive for the ideal, I know I will never achieve it in this life. "I need Jesus to save me" , I told Libby and Enzo on Sunday. I think that's my best legacy for them.

I've found my replacement

Roseola, dust mites, and whatnots...

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. 

 Isaiah 55:8

I'm still not sure why, but it keeps amazing me how dummy I still can be in my relationship with God. I know dummy can be a very harsh adjective, but talking about God, I think being a dummy is a good thing. We know there is NO WAY someone can know everything that is to know about God. And I would rather say I am a dummy, instead of trying to show or prove people that I know lots of things in regards to the Bible. I do know some things, but still, that's not what is important.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes I still think that I know better, and my prayers, you know... I pray for God to help me do what I want to do, or I ask Him to bless my plans -without even considering sometimes if my plans would please Him- or I ask Him to answer my prayers in the way I want Him to answer. And that's okay... It's okay to tell God what you want, but we need to understand that He will answer according to His wisdom, and not working on our timetable.

I still struggle with cheerfully accepting His will. But I do understand that even though the Bible says you need to ask to receive, it's not as easy as just asking. What are you asking for? Yes, He will give it to you, when you ask for things that go well with His character. I've known people who ask God for a wife/husband down to the detail: rich, handsome/pretty, business man/woman, etc., and then get disappointed when God doesn't answer or honor those kind of prayers. Really? God is not our genie in a bottle... I'm not an expert in asking, but like I said, I don't think giving God all the specific details will make Him go like, "Oh, thank you, Karla. I almost forgot about that..." 

My firstborn :)

You know what I'm talking about? Like when my dad lost his leg, I didn't pray specifics, I just asked God to help him during surgery, and to give my dad the peace he needed to go through all this. My dad lost his leg. Did he lose it because I didn't ask God specifically to save his leg? Emerson did pray that. Emerson told God that's what we wanted, but most of all we wanted His will be done in my dad's life, and we wanted him alive. Was God's will to make my father an amputee? That's downright mean...

But then again... God didn't force my dad to eat more than a cup of mayonnaise everyday for I don't know how long, nor did God force him to smoke and not exercise, and only drink soda pretty much all his life. Am I making sense? And there are people who live like this and never ever get sick. That's kind of unfair, isn't it? God is good, He is freaking awesome. It's just that in this equation of life we want answers, we want a formula, I know I wanted one... I had this science background when I moved to Ohio. I needed a logical explanation, and objective reasons to believe in a God I couldn't see. Never got them, still I don't have most of my questions answered. But you don't need to understand to believe, you need to believe to understand.

Froggie lover

"Love you, Rana"

Playing together

Lengüita

Learning (eating) his letters

Skyping

Smiling

Angry face

Silly face

Happy face

My babies at the same age. Time flies... It's bittersweet.

BEAUTIFUL

"You've been brainwashed, Karla", my college friends would say, and I get that. I'm pretty weird since I became a Christian. Anyway... All these life questions come into my mind almost everyday. I wish I could talk to people who have no idea about who God is, to explain to them who He is. We used to have this group, Alpha, at church, and it was basically a safe place for people to ask all these questions. I miss that. I miss Louie, Patrick, Linda, Glenn, Renee... these are great people, who have suffered and experienced great loses, and still want to tell others how much God cares. Questioning all these things has actually made my faith stronger. God says He will be found when you seek Him with all your heart. I have found Him many, many times, you know, figuratively, when I question Him the most. He is real. Oh yeah... He is very real.

Okay, so, what does this have to do with anything? Well, it has to do with the fact that Enzo got roseola like a week ago, but I'll talk about that later. Let's talk about happy times first :)

Enzo

What is Enzo up to these days? Well... he is pulling up everywhere he can. I think I'm more laid back with him than I was with Elizabeth. Not that I neglect my son, but he has shown abilities that Elizabeth didn't have in that particular area. I couldn't let her unattended because she didn't know how to sit down on her own once she'd pulled herself up. I think it took her like two weeks to figure it out, and even so, she let herself go all the way on her bottom. But Enzo has awesome control of his knees, and is able to sit down perfectly. That translates into me being able to do stuff around the kitchen without having to worry about Enzo playing with Sissy, and pulling himself up on the couch, the TV stand, the high chair or the chairs.

He is also getting two new upper teeth. In this photo you can only see the one on the right, but he's getting the left one, too. He cries a lot whenever his gums are swollen because of his teeth, but he's a good sport. He usually gets distracted with his sister, so I don't give him medicine for that.

Happy showing off his new tooth.

He still drives me crazy because he cries whenever I let him in the crib if I'm taking a shower or when I'm doing something. It seems that he just doesn't give up. Libby eventually learned to be happy and content in the crib whenever I took a shower, but Mr. Enzo refuses to play happily. The other day he was crying like someone was hurting him, and you could see tears! I picked him up and told him I still needed to get ready, you know, put on my underwear, get dressed. When I picked him up he stopped crying, of course. I also told him, "Do you have any idea of how crazy you could drive me when you cry like that, Papa? You drive me CRAZY!!! I also love you with all my heart, but you'll have to cry it out for the next ten minutes."

He cried the whole time.

He is still getting up around 4 am or 5 am to nurse, and I get up and nurse him. I still nurse him that early because I don't have what it takes to let him cry. It's not that I think he's starving, because he is not. It's just that I want him to go back to sleep so that I can sleep a little bit more. This will end pretty soon, tough, because I'll stop nursing him when he is one year old. Although, I have to say that Emerson is pushing and pushing to kick him out of our bedroom in the next couple of days. There are different reasons for this:

First, we cannot make love in the comfort of our own bedroom since he will wake up (I think this is the most important reason for Emerson). Second, he cries and cries until I nurse him. Emerson doesn't care because he doesn't hear Enzo, but I do hear him. I need to sleep, and I'm willing to get up for five minutes at 5 am to stick my boob in Enzo's little mouth, to pretty much shut him up. It's all it takes, five minutes... I don't even think I have much milk left, I don't feel the let down reflex as strong as before, and my breasts don't get engorged as they used to. Even before night time, Enzo is nursing, but he is more interested in playing with Libby. I just... he will wake up Elizabeth if we move him out. And Libby, being Libby, will be like, "Hi, E E E!!", "I like it, E E E!!", "I love you, Enzo". And they will stay up for I don't know how long, and the next morning will be chaos, both being tired. But I guess that will happen eventually, and the sooner we go through this the better, just as we did it with Libby when she started on her toddler bed. He might go out tonight. (You do know it takes me days to finish a post, right? So tonight might not be the night you read this, but I'll try to make it happen).

Periquito Australiano

Enzo loves playing with Libby. I wonder if it will always be that way. I know they will argue, but I want to think they will love each other very much all their lives. Enzo is always taking toys away from Libby and that drives me crazy. Even more because Libby doesn't do anything. I just can't believe how a baby can take away things from her. We've been working on Libby saying NO when he tries to pull her hair, or taken the toys away. And specially I'm working with him, teaching him to respect his sister. I know he is only a child, but I'm trying to teach him to be kind. It seems that he only wants to play with whatever Libby has, and as much fun it is for him, it's not funny for my Libby. This is exactly what I don't like other children doing to Libby. Enzo needs to learn it's not all about him, and that if his sister has a toy, he either needs to wait for her to finish playing with it, or he can play with something else. So far he gets distracted easily with other toys. I know eventually they will fight over toys, and I will have to teach  them to share, and think about others, and blah, blah... but not today :)

     

The Crib

For the most part he is becoming a really easy going baby. He doesn't cry anymore wanting to be held when we are in the living room since he plays with Libby almost all the time. He used to go and cry at my feet when I was making dinner or lunch, but now I put the gate all the time in the kitchen, and he doesn't get in. That helps me to keep cooking.

I haven't spent as much time with Enzo as I did with Libby watching shows about the shapes or the letters. I feel kind of bad about that. Sometimes we do, and when we do, Elizabeth whines and cries all the time. I've been telling her lately that this is something we need to do for her brother, just as we did it for her. I don't think she understands that, she just wants to watch Caillou; and I don't think Enzo cares about whether he learns his letters or not. He is just a child, but he does enjoy watching those shows. He listens, and he observes, and he smiles when I sing the letters to him. We'll keep working on that as we can. It's sad to say, but we almost do everything that we do according to what Libby wants. Sad for Enzo, I mean. He has fun, I guess. I always hold him whenever we go to the playground, or to BK, or Memorial City Mall to play in the castle. The time is coming, though, when we will be able to do stuff for him, too, once he begins walking. I think it will be very soon.

Enzo playing

Enzo and the lion

He enjoys being taken care of by Sissy. She is always giving him his milk or his food. They love each other so much... He complains when she hugs him for the most part, but at the same time, I think he likes it, too. He likes when I play Monster with him, but he doesn't get scared anymore. Libby does :)
He is also "walking" now. Emerson helps him and he takes little steps every now and then. He uses the couch to grab himself and walks sideways. I think he really looks up to Libby. I wonder if it will be like that all the time, she is not that much older after all. I remember I wanted to be like my sister when I was 13 years old, but she is nine years older... Emerson said I love Enzo more than I love Elizabeth, I don't know if he was joking. I don't love one more than the other, I don't. I do feel different about each of my children.



Hey, gays!

Listen, I love you the same. I would give my life for any of you. Libby, you are my firstborn. You will always have a very, very special place in my heart. Enzo will never have that place, only you. You are so sweet, and loving. I know God has great plans for you. I can see that. You have a selfless heart, you care for the needs of others, more than your own. I see that every day in the things you do for your brother and for me. That's very strange for a 2 year old, you know that? I wouldn't be surprised if you end up being a nurse, a doctor or a missionary. I am so proud of the little girl you are becoming. You are so different than your brother... I think you are more rebellious than he is. Enzo, you are also very sweet. Did you know that by this time your sister had already defied all the rules regarding furniture? I don't give you many time outs, but it is not because I love you more than I love her. And it is definitely not because I want to spoil you more. It is because you actually learned the No, No's after one time out, or two. Now, when you hear my angry voice, you stop your way towards the computer, or the TV stand or the kitchen. You and Libby have such different personalities  You are a snuggler, and I really like that. Your sister never ever let me hug her and kiss her  like you do. And just as you are more obedient to the sound of my angry voice, you are also more inclined to take advantage of your sister. You are always taking toys away from her, and stickers and markers right off her hands. I don't understand... she is way bigger than you are for now, but you still manage to take stuff away. Maybe she lets you... so than she can come and rat you out, as she always does. You are my second baby, and you will always be my boy, my sweet boy :)

I love you, gays, with all my heart. 

Trying to give Brother a hug

Feeding Enzo

Libby

Libby is doing many things now. She is beginning to speak three-word phrases like, "Water, please, Mommy", and every time she hears a new word sh repeats it. She also repeats many words that she already knows. I like how her voice sounds speaking English, you don't hear an accent. That's weird considering she spends most of her time with me, but she makes a really good job pronouncing this as opposed to these. These things are a given for you if you are American, but for me, even though I know they should sound different, sometimes it still takes a conscious effort to pronounce them correctly. The same goes with live vs. leave, etc. She is pronouncing noise the same as nice. Hmm... She is also saying, "It dropped", and I always says, "It fell because you dropped it, Honey". She also says, "Mommy run", and I say runs, or ran depending on what she wants to say. Or she got sick a week after Enzo got roseola and she came and said, "Mommy, breathe nose", and she also said, "Look, Mommy, I jump", while jumping on the floor when I was cleaning the toilet. 

Raikika gigante at Burger King

She will get all these things right eventually. I'm sure she will. She is growing up with these things, having to figure out two different languages, two different grammatical "ways". And if I -being exposed all my life to English for only two hours everyday- finally ended up putting it together until I moved to Ohio at age 24, I'm sure she will do it way sooner. I like Spanish grammar. I like knowing what a noun, verb, direct object, indirect object, pronoun, adjective, or adverb is. I also like knowing that the present tense, is not the same as the present continuous or the present perfect tense. She has to know these differences as well, both in English and in Spanish because they are used in a completely different way in both languages, although they are the same in essence. English is way easier than Spanish, I don't care what Americans think. Yes, you may have many, many exceptions in spelling, but the conjugations are so easy... Anyway, who knows? She might want to be a Spanish teacher like her mommy one day.

I'm also teaching her piano lessons... not really. I mark the keys with a dry erase marker, and I made it a piece of paper with the following letters:

CCC G AA G

EE DD C

That's Old McDonald had a farm, e i e i o.

She plays them well since she can see the letters in the piano and the ones in the sheet. She pushes the keys more times than she should, but who cares? That's her favorite song lately, and we watch it almost every day on YouTube. 

Old McDonald had a farm, e i e i o

She also has a little piano that is as loud as heck, and she never stops playing with it. She loves it. I can hear the sound in my head all the time. 

Her favorite piano

She is also getting better and better at tracing her letters. I like that she does those things on her own. I was trying to make her do that at least once a day, but I realized that if she does it when she feels like it, she does it even happier. Actually she wakes up like twenty minutes before I do, and she just goes and sits down at the table, and works on her letters, because Mommy is nigh nights :) 

Tracing letters

Writing P

Libby's first A

On the bad part, she is pushing my limits and challenging my authority all day long, every day. I sometimes do not know what to do. I've been praying for wisdom, and patience and tolerance. It's just difficult... Okay, so, she is doing her letters on the table, when Enzo starts playing the little piano, and here she comes yelling NO at him. I tell her that she is doing her letters, that he is allowed to play the piano. Then she ends up playing with the piano, when Brother starts playing with Caillou, Rosie, Cat and Teddy. And then she starts yelling at her brother, when the toys are actually his. She is on time out, then I go and explain what she did wrong. I tell her that there are toys that were originally hers, but that now Brother can use. I also say that there are toys that were given specifically to Enzo, but that he shares with her, like Caillou. That it is wrong for her to yell at her brother over a toy that is actually his. 

Wearing Enzo's glasses

Wearing her glasses

She says she is sorry, and then I ask her to go and apologize to her brother. She gives him a kiss and tells him she is sorry. He (me) says he forgives her, and that he loves her. But this happens once like every twenty minutes during my day with them. I feel I'm going crazy. I feel like yelling, and I do sometimes. This morning I had to scream, "Get down!!", because she was jumping on the couch and was abut to fall. The other night she hit her nose because she was jumping on the couch while I was running. Sometimes, after many warnings I give, I end up taking her for a spanking since she has disobeyed me continuously. When I'm about to put her on my lap, she starts, "Sorry, Mommy, sorry, Mommy...". It makes me want to cry, but I still spank her. I have to teach her there are consequences for her actions, and that the presence of consequences doesn't mean the absence of forgiveness. It sucks, tough.    

Making pizza dough

Princess in style

"Brother, where are you?"

"Peek a boo!!"

Daddy

For the most part, Emerson is a good father. Ha, ha, ha!! That didn't sound right... He is a great dad, and I love watching him play with the children. I love the man he is with me and with them. Just today we went to the mall and on our way back, we stopped to say hi. Emerson looked so handsome wearing his blue Baker Hughes lab coat. He looked like, "Daddy, mhmm!!" 

Emerson's been saying, "Mommy, mhmm!!" all this time, and now Libby says it all the time when we are outside. I just have to ignore her because it is so inappropriate. Honestly, I have no idea how they connect the dots, but Libby spanked me the other day, and told me the little phrase. So yes, for the most part, Emerson is a good father. Like when he takes the children grocery shopping or when he takes care of them in the evening now that I'm running. Sometimes I leave the house at 6:30 pm or 7 pm, and he plays with them, or just entertains them until I get back. Mostly he spends time with Libby, because Enzo is pretty much ready to go to sleep after I give him a shower and nurse him. When I come back Libby is still waiting for me with Daddy. Daddy is also in charge of reading the devotional every night, and he takes things really seriously. 

Two days ago the devotional was about the Last Supper, and coincidentally, Libby and I had left some pita bread dough outside, and forgot to bring it in. So at 9 pm, she was still up, and we ended up making the pita bread, to show her how Jesus had broken the bread. Of course Daddy saw a great opportunity with this, and decided to read from her Bible. He also opened a bottle of wine. How can you say no to teaching your daughter how Jesus drank wine, right? 

Grocery store

Superman

No idea how this happened, but the very first song to come up to Emerson's mind while giving a Superman performance was the Can Can. 

Really, Emerson? Is this what you come up with for your very first Superman show ever? 

Superman is not even ours, by the way. It's Corey's, Ms. Julie's grandson. She babysat for me the other day, while I was taking my allergy test. Oh, yes, spoiler alert... I have severe allergies.  

Eating out with Daddy

More Ma ma ma

Ma ma ma

Menchie's lovers

Eating nachos

Eating a soft taco

Their first ever Taco Bell

Mommy

Mommy usually has her quiet time around 2 pm. I try to read my Bible and pray, but most of the time I pass out trying. I'm exhausted by the time the clock strikes 2 pm. I feel like I don't do much to be honest, although I don't feel bad about it anymore. Sometimes the laundry kind of begs to be folded, and I end up doing it after five days. Of course after those five days have passed, there's more laundry to do, and the cycle continues. I have to say, tough, that as of today the dryer is empty and there's noting to be folded. Yay, me!

I called Keurig customer service the other day because my Keurig wasn't working anymore, again. I was so upset - my share of first world problems here- because I had to hit the button 10+ times to get a coffee done. Plus, I needed to warm up the water on the stove so that we could have our morning oatmeal. This has happened before, and they made me sent them the needle. I had to pay to send it back. So I was ready to ask for my money back or work out a deal, I don't know... I actually asked God to help me be kind, but firm. I don't know how to stand up for myself most of the time, and I don't know how to say no. I told the lady, "Look, this has happened before. I already purged the system twice, and cleaned the needle. Don't take this personal, I know you are not the owner of Keurig, but I'm really frustrated..." 

Enzo jumping

Not happy

Smiling

Posing with Sissy

Libby looked younger

I don't know if it was because I was kind to her -I didn't even raise my voice-  or she was downright an awesome customer service representative, but she apologized, and told me I was gonna get a new one - another one; and that I didn't have to pay anything, she would send me an online label, and that as soon as I got the new one, I could just drop off the old one at a FedEx location. So I wanted to say no, but she got me. Of course my husband laughed :)

We've been going to the two playgrounds we usually go, one is in Longwood, and the other one is in Barker Cypress, close to HEB. Libby is more and more tenacious with her climbing skills. She doesn't even wait for me to help her climb stuff which is scary. When I'm pushing Enzo in the swing, suddenly she is already climbing something. I just get there as fast as I can without looking worried, and I say, "Hey!! Need help?", with a super high pitched voice. I always get there on time for when she needs a hand to take a long step in between gaps. 

We also take walks around the complex, mainly to look for Cat, and then we usually stop at the office for a coffee. Cat is a cat whose owner we know. I mean, not that we hang out with her, but the cat usually follows Elizabeth when she sees her. Libby has never touched that cat because I don't let her, but I can see she really likes it. The other we were able to actually find the cat, but she wasn't wearing her usual collar. We don't know if it was her, but she looked exactly like our Cat.

Picking up leaves

"Uh, oh! It dropped..."

Enzo taking a nap

Playgrounds and more playgrounds

Looking for Cat

Found it

Tobogan

Being a brother

Playing with gears

Going downstairs

Crossing the bridge

Crossing another bridge

Getting ready

Gong down

She calls it move 

Giant abacus

Enzo in the office chair

I've been having trouble sleeping, which is not new. But I couldn't stop scratching my eyes, and they burned, and this was different from my dry eye. I don't know, it all got mixed, I guess. I was always congested, and my nose suddenly let go of plenty of mucus during the night, which was awful. So I ended up going to the ENT. He prescribed an awesome nasal spray, Nasonex, and he gave me a free sample. My insurance didn't want to cover it, so now I'm taking the generic. This was like three weeks ago. Since then, I've been able to sleep way better, I don't wake up with my red, itchy eyes, and I'm not constantly sneezing and making sounds with my nose. I can actually breathe, which feels AWESOME! 

He said I should be tested for allergies and I took the allergy testing. As you can see below, I wasn't making things up. I have allergies to every pollen, and tree around the area (right arm). My allergies are severe for weeds, grass, dust, dust-mites, and cockroaches (left arm). Funny to say, I'm not allergic to Dori or cats, but I'm allergic to horses (Oh, I was actually thinking in getting a horse). 

After thinking long enough, and having gone to my follow up with the ENT to go over my results, I'm not gonna do the immunotherapy (allergy shots) for now. The medicine he gave me is working, and I don't have the time or money to go every week, get a shot, and wait for 30 minutes, for the next 3 years at least. I just can't take that time commitment. I've never taken any allergy medicine, and I think my body is responding well to the spray. I do have some itchiness every Saturday when I dust and vacuum, which I'm doing every weekend now, to keep the bedroom as clean as possible, and we'll buy some covers for the mattress and stuff. 

My children were so good when I took them with me the first time. Then Libby saw I got several pum, pums, and told Daddy I should get ice cream. 

At the ENT's office

Right arm. Pollen and grasses.

Left arm. Weeds, dust, dust-mites

40 pum pums

"I'm in pain"

"No, I'm not!"

Pum, pums

More Happenings

In other news we began watching Breaking Bad, and we were taking it slowly until Emerson found out the final season began last week. Since then we've been going to bed between 11 pm or 12 am every night, watching as many episodes we could on Netlix. We had to watch like four every night to make it till the season premiere, but we couldn't. So last night was the second episode, but they repeated the first one. The children slept like 2 1/2 hours, which they never do, so it was great. We are on track now... big accomplishment.

I feel that my nights now will be my own. I do have to finish this post because it has taken me three weeks to do that, when it actually takes me one. Of course it has gotten longer and longer because I keep on taking pictures, and I keep adding them to the post. But today is the day. I need to finish today. Other than that, I don't know what else is new. The Bible study for the Proverbs 31 is still going on, and I like meeting every Wednesday night with some women. BSF is about to start, though, and I don't think I will be able to manage both. BSF is pretty heavy on the homework, and I like to be busy reading my Bible, but not so crowded that I'm gonna be doing it in automatic. 

Oh!! We bough Libby a potty, and she has been using it every now and then. At first she was really excited, but now she has stopped. She was wearing her new underwear, too. There were times during the day when she was more likely to go, but she just held it, and when she went, he peed and pooped outside. I don't know if she thought it was wrong to go inside the potty making it dirty. She got some Goldfish as rewards. We'll keep on trying :)

Nena on the potty

Key lime pie

Helping Daddy

Approved

Quality control

Guapito

Proud of herself

Showing her prize

Sharing with Brother and Daddy

I also built a castle for my prince and princess, and I think I got more excited than them when I built it. I don't know, when you are a child you get to think that you actually have a fortress because everything looks so big when you are a child. But Libby played with it for ten minutes and then she left. Enzo didn't even care. We transferred the castle's headquarters to her bedroom, though, because it was more stable there. 

Living room

Bedroom

In

Playing Castle

We also went to Daddy's party for Endeavor, something work related. It's for young engineers. This time it was at D&B. It was on a Thursday, and Enzo began running a fever just the night before. The fever came and went, and he was kind of sneezing and coughing, but nothing bad. I called the nurse on Thursday, and she said we should be monitoring the fever, but that if it was under 102, he was fine. So I gave him Tylenol every now and then to make him feel more comfortable. He didn't eat breakfast nor lunch on Thursday, and that is really something. When we were at the party, though, he ate fajitas like crazy, and then had some cake, so I knew he was coming back. Libby had a great time playing games, and Enzo was on Daddy's back all the time.  A nice guy gave us a card with 500 points and Libby was able to get a ball, a new one, like if she didn't have enough balls already :)

Eating cake

Another little person eating cake

Playing

To my surprise, Enzo didn't sleep really well that night either. Actually, on Thursday night - more like at 2 am- Emerson had to go to Walmart to buy batteries for the thermometer. I wanted to know what to tell the nurse on Friday since we had an appointment. They drew blood again to see if it was an ifection, but it was actually not bacterial, but a viral thing. His numbers were great.  There was nothing to do except making him comfortable. He had to fight it on his own. By Friday, we had already gone to D&B, and during the weekend we went to the grocery store, and to Menchie's. 

I dream of Menchie's

Enzo's fever never went away for more than a couple of hours during those three days. It was until Sunday morning that he actually was fever free the whole day. And suddenly, the rash appeared. I honestly wasn't worried. He had a little bit of rash on Friday, but I called the nurse on Monday morning because Emerson wanted to be sure this was part of the viral thing we talked about on Friday. The nurse asked me to described her the rash, and ended up saying, "Oh, that was Roseola... if he has the rash already, he is no longer contagious!" 

I love that nurse. She used to be kind of mean at first, but now we are like friends, ha, ha, ha! So anyway... that kinda sucks, because Enzo was exposing his illness to everybody around him during those three days. He was tired, looked tired, but he was never fussy, not even with the fever. I didn't give him Tylenol since the doctor said I should only give it to him if he was cranky, but he wasn't. The good thing is that Libby didn't get sick, and they were hugging and kissing each other as usual. 

On Tuesday, still with the rash, but no longer contagious, we went with Darcy to BK.  And then on Wednesday we took all five children to the castle on Memorial City Mall. We had lunch there, and Libby and Levi were really happy sitting next to each other. Enzo and Lucy were happy, too, but Enzo was more interested eating his food and playing with Lucy's toy, than playing with Lucy. 

The Mall

Posing

She started it

Eating

Still eating

Philly cheese steak

Cupcake and dinosaur cookie

Coming back home

So... to make my point. God knows better than us. Wednesday and Thursday nights I couldn't sleep. It wasn't up to me, I felt tired, and my nose was great, but Enzo kept waking up every two hours because of the fever. On Wednesday night he had 101.2, and I'm pretty sure on Thursday night, when Emerson left to Walmart, he had like a 102+. He was super, super hot. I gave him Tylenol before going to sleep, but this is how the virus works, I guess. He was really burning and uncomfortable. He was crying and crying, and I couldn't let him cry. If he had been healthy, then yes, cry it out, but he had a fever. I feel awful when I'm running a fever, my body aches, and I just want to cry... He felt loved when I spent time with him. My hugs made him hotter, I'm sure, but at least he didn't cry when I was holding him. I rocked him, I nursed him in hopes that would help, even if I was comfort nursing him. I put wet towels on his forehead. That was at least twice during the night until the Tylenol kicked in and he could go back to sleep, for three days in a row. 

And I called myself a dummy because all those nights, I was praying that he would be okay, and that he would just have an ear infection, or a UTI, or some bacterial thing that could be treated with some antibiotics, so that it all ended well. I was actually asking God for an infection that could be treated with medicine, so we all could go back to our normal, easy lives. A quick recovery, I wanted it in my own timing.

Enzo is sick ;(

On Friday, when the doctor said his numbers were great, and that this was great news -Pope said it was great news- it dawned on me, that God was answering my prayer in a way that didn't go according to my plan, but His. I AM NOT saying God wanted Enzo to be sick, okay? Fevers and roseola happen all the time, to all children... but God was answering my prayer with all His wisdom. He actually gave me more than I was asking for: a healthy baby, who could fight his own virus on his own, without antibiotics, and who eventually would be okay. He also gave me three nights to spend with him. Sure, I didn't sleep very well, but Libby slept in, and Enzo slept in, too. Emerson and I were able to rest. 

I felt thankful during those nights that with our children, all we have ever had to worry about are fevers that have a solution. Emerson is healthy, and he is running, and stretching again. I am running, too. I am able to run six miles now without stopping. My eyes, my nose, my varicose veins, my neck... all those things are just... how would I call them? Things that I have in my life, and I will have them until I'm gone. I used to feel angry for not being able to be completely healthy, you know? I felt it wasn't fair that other women are without trouble or at least, are healthy. I envied them...

I heard the other day on the radio -and I don't know if this is completely a right approach or not- a strategy to deal with your envy. The lady said - a Christian lady- that we usually envy other women because we compare ourselves to them, and that makes sense. We want what they have, and we don't have it. I used to covet their health. This lady said that we usually envy the good things that we see they have, but that if we are going to compare ourselves to others, we should see the big picture. She was not saying we should compare ourselves to others... but that if we feel like going that route, we should know that the good things other women have are not the whole package. How would I feel if I had their whole package?  

Say, someone has a great pool, and I envy a lady for the pool (that's a real banal example). But the package this lady has is not only a great house with a great pool, but a husband who cheats on her. I may not know that, but do I really want to fix my heart on the pool, not really knowing the story behind it? Would I be willing to trade in my own life as long as I get the pool? With FULL knowledge that I will also get the cheating husband? She said that if you think about it that way, you will feel less likely to want what others have, because now you know that everybody has their own battles.

Roseola guy and Sissy

I don't know if this makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I don't want to be completely healthy at any cost. God will always give me what I need. I like my life the way it is, and I am thankful for the challenges it brings. I have a great husband who is a great father. We don't have any marriage problems, other than not knowing how to kill the freaking cockroaches in our kitchen, or that I don't close the pantry door often, and he hits it as he opens the garage door. 

Our marriage is not perfect, but our children are growing in healthy family environment. They see how much we love each other, and they know we love them with all our hearts. Elizabeth adores Enzo and she is so kind to him. Enzo looks up to her sister, and both are healthy, smart, obedient (most of the time), respectful, but most of all, they are happy children. They do have joy in their lives, you can see it. We are trying to teach them about how much God loves them, and how we can show others that same love. Isn't this life supposed to be about that, anyway?

How can I ask for more? God has given me more than I need, and way more than I deserve. Those sleepless nights I said, "Thank you, God", many, many times :)