Moving to Chennai... almost there

After the family drama, and a full-house for three weeks...

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare ~ Japanese proverb.

My motto on parenting. You work on having a long term relationship with your children. You will be friends with them one day, and they will love you, and thank you for what you did. That's my vision. You are not their friend now. Right now you are their parent. They will love you right now, but might not like you most of the time since you say NO constantly, set proper limits, teach them love and respect for God, and all people by discipline them. You discipline them because you love them. Because you love them enough to teach them right from wrong, even if the wrong may not seem that wrong. 

Silly examples from my life are: my children don't play with a ball they see at the park because it's not ours. Even if the owner is not around anymore, it is not ours. They see the owner, then they may ask him if they can play with his ball. The moms usually say it's okay (even if the little jerks said no). But the mom said yes, so I let my children play with it. Because we asked for permission. If the owner never shows up, they may look at it, and touch it (Libby insists to feel the ball). But they don't play with it.

I'm teaching respect. What do you want me to say? It's not ours. But the owner is not there!!! So it's okay... NOT.

Translate it thirty years from now: I cheated on my husband. But he doesn't know!!! So it's okay... NOT.

Playing at a children's room 

I think one of my biggest mistakes sometimes is that I'm too black and white on some things, and very gray with others. Like church attendance... I'm really gray. I mean, there was a point in my life when I was at church every single Sunday, and I wrongly judged those who weren't. With family here for three weeks, we didn't go. Are we awful Christians because we didn't go to church for a whole month? I don't think so. What's the point of going if my mother would not understand a single thing? I would rather show her practically the love of Christ while she is here. I guess I could go on my own, without them, but it doesn't feel right, either. Everybody has their choices to make.

So anyway... I'm going through a difficult phase with Libby, and it sucks. Disobedience and disrespect. And yelling and screaming. And I'm on top of her!! I just can't imagine if I weren't... It's just rebelliousness, I have no idea. But there is hope. 

Hope that one day my children will call me blessed. That one day, like God promises, they won't depart from the right path that I started them on. And I cry, and at days, I feel hopeless (especially if I couldn't sleep well, and haven't had my morning coffee and morning allergy pill), but I hold on to those promises my Daddy in Heaven has for me :))

Enzo and Libby's last day at the squirrels

Read lots of books on Christian parenting. They suck. I mean, good Bible verses. But they talk in such a way that make you (or only me) feel stupid, like the author's children were raised perfectly. It's the same feeling I get when listening to Beth Moore, like she's so perfect. I just wonder how the heck did they have time to raise such perfect children and write a book at the same time??  Maybe, just maybe, they realized their mistakes and wrote about the right way of raising a child. OR actually, wrote those books being already grandparents, or empty nesters. 

There's no freaking way I could write a book while raising two active toddlers... I might write my own book, with real language about frustration, and stuff, like real life stuff. You know, I've felt like shaking Libby... I've felt so angry that I want to spank Enzo until he is quiet. People may say I have an anger management problem, but I don't think I do. It's really upsetting to have your three year-old walking away from you when you are telling her to do something, and when you follow her, she slams the door of her room on your face... I mean, any normal mom would feel upset. My pride hurts. And that's why I get so mad. Because she disrespected ME. How dare she? 

But it's not about me, but her and God. And me being the image of God in her eyes. We need to work this out. We have to be reconciled. She broke our relationship, I go out of my way to mend it. I work to make the peace. Anyway, moving on. I didn't mean to make this post about parenting. One day, I tell you, wait for that book... 

My First World Problems

I read something the other day about a guy who thinks the word blessing shouldn't be used when referring to material possessions. He said something about people -Christians and non Christians- thinking that a blessing is normally associated with money, or the ability to acquire stuff. I get his point. You know, after all, I've told Elizabeth and Enzo many times that having a car is a blessing...

I really understand what he meant. I just think that sometimes we are always trying to say the right things the right way, and no matter how hard we try, there will always be someone who doesn't like what we've just said. I think that as long as people KNOW that the blessing in itself is not the possession -call it a car, house, phone- but the fact that God provides it for us, then it is okay. Not only that, you also have to use your mouth wisely, and discern who you are talking to. Your church friends might get you, but other people don't. 

My children know -at least I tell them- that having a car is a blessing because Daddy and Mommy didn't have a car when we got to this country, and God provided one for us in an amazing way. God provided. Yes, it is a blessing to be able to buy groceries. Also, the fact that Emerson has a job and he gets paid with money. Because it is with that money that we can go buy the food we need to eat. See what I mean? But  I don't buy a watch, and post a photo on Facebook saying, "Feeling blessed".

Radio Ga Ga

This morning we were listening to music, and one of the songs was about that Bible verse in Jeremiah 29:11-14

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity".

I read it again when we were having breakfast, and I told Libby and Enzo that God has our backs. I am getting excited about the trip, and I've been winning the battle against anxiety. Sometimes I kinda cry two tears here and there, because I know what it feels to get to a new place, not knowing anybody around, and not speaking the language. But hopefully they'll speak a little English. But I am doing well. Specially now that everything seems to be finally happening. Paper work is going okay, and the visas are being taken care of.

Visa Photo Shoot

Getting ready

Waiting

Handsome

So beautiful

Emerson says it's going to be better for me moving to Chennai from the US, than it was moving to Columbus from Mexico. I don't know. I know my children are pretty much my world right now, but the fact that we won't get to get out unless Emerson is with us really stresses me out. We'll be living in a hotel for about two weeks until we find a place to live in. What do you do stuck in a hotel room with your children? I cannot get out sight seeing, because I don't want to be alone... anyway, I have to get used to it. I'm excited about BSF. I'm already registered for the Bible Study. It starts on August!!

We are packing already, just getting into boxes things that we don't really need anymore. I threw away bunches of toys that the children had. One day I felt perky about getting into the children's room, and I began cleaning out using my brain, not my heart. I did save some toys that I loved seeing them play with, things to remember. We still have to choose which ones are going to Chennai, and which ones stay. I sometimes think that it's gonna take long, but not really, I guess...

Reality Check

Don't remember if I posted about getting our vaccines. We did, but Libby was missing. We went to Texas Children's Hospital (downtown) for her to get them. She obviously cried, but was willing to let herself be poked by the nurse. I'm proud of my girl. She got ice cream after that, of course. I've also fought pharmacies and doctors, so that I can get my prescriptions for three months.

You know the usual things I deal with on a regular basis: dry eye, eczema, and allergies. That involves nasal sprays, plus more than three over the counter medications. I also had to go to the doctor because I had some infection under my armpit. A clogged gland, I guess. I had two little pimple-looking balls, and they hurt. So more prescriptions. They said it happens a lot when you shave or sweat a lot. I sweat a lot. I haven't shaved in two weeks per doctor's advice. Also, I went all in - haven't shaved my legs, either.

Nina's pum pum-selfie

We also had a get-together with friends from church group, we ate yummy food, and we said our good-byes. Nina and Nino were playing outside with me, or with Emerson. They have so much energy. That Saturday we went to a birthday party first, and I was exhausted. Anyway, the cake looked really nice!

When I come back, God willing, I'm gonna start some classes or something like that one day about pastry, or cakes or stuff, on a more professional level. Like, I make a killer carrot cake, alright, and it will sell if people try it first. But how am I suppose to run a business? More than flavor and taste, how you advertise your product and the looks of it are the main thing in that industry, I think.  I need to learn about that. I get a lot of satisfaction when people like the flavor of what I make, but if I don't know how to start a business, and make it grow, then nothing really matters. I'd really love to have a business like that, where Libby and Enzo can actually help through the years. I don't know. 

If nothing works, tough, I'll always have Baker Hughes people to send my samples to. They always eat them :))

Cake

Long flight

Enzo eating

Friends who are going to Chennai

We also celebrated Father's Day. Emerson is an ostrich and did not want to go out. I understand, places are crowded that day. But I felt like doing something, celebrating. But inside the house? I just needed to buy him something. The children made for him some crafts, and Libby and I decorated a cake for him. And I just ran to HEB to buy some deli food, and had a special lunch for Daddy ;)

Finger painting

Pool of rice

Shredding a carrot

Nina asked if this carrot was the mommy of the baby carrots she eats. Awww...

YUM

Eager to eat cake

Daddy's Day 2014

Cutting cake

The cake

Little Helper

Sweeping the mess Mommy and Sister made :)

Enzo is growing into such a good boy. Do not hear me wrong, he is still a work in progress. He hits, pushes, and tackles her sister down when he is upset. Which in itself is something that we are working on, very hard. The other day, he just hit Libby on the face out of the blue. Talking to him does not help. We do talk to him about it, but even tough he knows it's wrong (I think he knows, we've told him a million times), he keeps doing it. So his behind is still suffering the consequences. 

I've seen progress, however. Sometimes he charges to hit her, but controls himself, and hugs her. I think he is still upset because he cries and throws himself to the floor after hugging her, but he does not hit her. I think that's progress. God does not want you to swallow your emotions. If you're angry, you are angry. God wants you to not sin (lie, steal, hurt other, say stuff you'll regret) when you're angry. 

Lollipop for being good and patient at OD's office

Enzito is becoming very helpful, too. He helps pick up toys, or bring water or trays to the table. He likes Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He is my baby. I see him and he looks so much younger than Libby looked at that age. I don't know if that's normal. He is such a child. Libby was or looked different to me. I guess that always happens with older-younger siblings. 

Attagirls for me and little Miss Elizabeth. I thought I hadn't put effort in Enzo's education as much as I did with Libby (and I haven't, really). But my little efforts day by day, combined with Libby's, had made Enzo know his A, B, D, E, F, H, L, M, N, O, S, and T's. Still working on recognizing all of them, but he can pronounce the phonics of every single one :))     

ONLY ME...

Burned my french press :(

We've been visiting parks lately. We want to play as much as we can before leaving. I'll keep you posted on the final date :))

New park

New swings

Whatever your situation, take heart... Whether you have Jesus as your Savior or not, pretty much everybody agrees Jesus was real, and that He actually died on a cross. So whatever your situation, make the best out of it. Know that there is hope.

I mean, in your struggles, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. Have you?

~Heb 12:4

Family Drama.

Since all the people who read my blog mind their own business - I guess- I will make this super easy for you. I'll post about the party and how wonderful it was. Then, I will post about my family, my family drama, and all things (most of it, and my version anyway) that happened during my family's three weeks visit :S

That way you don't have to read it all. If after reading about the party you feel compelled to know about the drama, well, then... it's your choice. 

THE PARTY

I planned this party on my own :)

Well, it wasn't like a big chore. My gift to them has always been the cake, and buying every single thing that involves the cake. I decided to do Cat in the Hat cupcakes and cake pops because Libby likes Dr. Seuss' books. They were a success. 

I won't even mention my disappointment about the frosting melting, and the hats falling over. I was upset, but I didn't let that ruin my fun. Still I think that Libby loved them, and that is all I cared about. She loved them... She ate like four. And I thought the hats were gross to eat since they are pretty much pure sugar (fondant), but a three year-old with a sweet tooth didn't mind. You'll see the photos :)

NOTE TO SELF by MICHAEL SCOTT:
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever... MAKE CUPCAKES OR A CAKE TO EAT OUTSIDE IN TEXAS SUMMER, OR ANY OTHER SEASON IN TEXAS.

Espantasuegras

Ready to kill her cake

Swinging

Listening to Happy Birthday

Blowing their candles

Sharing cupcakes

Hanging out

Nana Angeles and Enzo

Eating her second slice

Biting a hat

I personally think it was a great idea to have the party at the park. It was kinda hot, but that way the children could just do their own thing, and I didn't have to worry about entertaining them or anything. Plus our apartment is so small for all the crowd who came. There was no way 24 people could have fitted in my home. Eight of those were children. So... nope. Less cleaning, no washing dishes, no messes in the carpet. Win-win for everybody -mostly me- but everybody was happy. Pizza, soda, cupcakes -what else do you actually need? LOL!!

Enjoying the party

Eating the second cupcake

Opening gifts

Eating another cupcake

Bite that hat!

Libby and Emerson got lots of gifts. Emerson got lots of good beer, and Libby got some toys, and candy. I personally liked very much that she got some crayons and special stickers and stuff for the flight to India. I felt tempted to give them to her, after all they were hers, but I didn't. I'm sure I won't regret it.  

Pretty eyes

Sad face

Eating... yep, a cupcake

Never let go of that cupcake

More sucking

Sucking frosting out of her arm

Holding the pinata

Banging the pinata

Breaking Kitty's Castle

Also, Daddy got her a telescope to watch the stars with her. She really likes the binoculars, so he thought it would be a nice idea. They haven't used it yet, it has rained a lot, and there have been lots of clouds. Hopefully they'll get to use it before we leave for India. 

Mama helping

Emerson hitting his pinata

Opening her gift

Took it out

And so finally, here we have it...

THE DRAMA

I'll be fair to everyone, at least I'll try. Just as I have been really open about my faith in this blog - I don't see why I wouldn't be since this is my blog, and my life and my stories I'm sharing- I'll be open about my family. Of course this is my opinion, and my view on things. So people outside my family can have their own opinions, you know. This is my version, and how I see things from the inside since I'm part of my family; and outside, since I don't live close to them anymore.

Now if people inside my family happen to read this and don't like what I said, well... maybe they can start their own blog, and blog about it. This is my space, and I won't say anything that is not true. I need to come to terms with the fact that this stuff goes on in every single family at different levels. My family is no exception. Also, this blog is mainly being written for my children, and they need to know - I need to teach them- how to love people in spite of people loving them or not, or even people being lovable or not. 

God sent Jesus to this screwed up world to save that which was lost. We need to live by that principle day by day. If we get mixed and carried away in the family drama and all that it involves, then we have lost the eternal perspective. Family drama will always be there. But family drama, according to my faith, will one day disappear. Family drama is not eternal. I guess I want to make a point on what to do with the drama that won't ever go away while we are still living on earth. 

More than what to do about it, it's a matter of how to deal with it, and still have a relationship with your family, you know? I mean, it can escalate to the point of you stop talking to each other for years, and I don't think that's right, either.

But, oh, garsh... Where to start with my family?!
(we watch a lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse lately, so forgive my Goofy voice)

At the playground

Playing with sand

Loving the dip

Nina at the pool

Will never be a model

Getting Nana wet

I guess I'll begin by saying good things about them. Any counselor would tell you that when confronting someone you should always start saying something nice, then mention the problem, and finish with something nice. That's how my counselor taught me to deal with problems, and according to my cousin (who visited with my mom), her counselor says the same. I guess it makes sense. Nobody likes to be told, "Hey, you know what? I hate this about you...", right off the batt.

So my mom... she is nice. She is very caring, and ever since I remember she has always been concerned for others more than herself. Which in high doses, can be devastating, I guess. At a point in my life, I thought she loved her brother and nieces more than she loved her own family - my dad, my sister and me. 

My uncle was very loving with me and my sister when we were children. I loved my uncle ver much. I would go to their house and play with my cousins, and spend the night there. We would watch movies and eat popcorn. I would play with my cousins, I loved them. I still do. They were my only friends growing up, really. Christmas was a marathon at my house. They would come and never leave until New Year's was over. 

Sometimes they would stay until my dad's birthday, on January 6th. And we would eat lots of food, and stuff. It was amazing. I thought that's how it was supposed to be. I thought everybody celebrated holidays like that. Bursted my bubble when I discovered we were not a normal family. Lol!

Memorial Day at Hermann Park

Picnic

Getting dirty

Gross-dirty

Mom

Me and my mom ;)

So long story short... I posted a photo on Facebook. Then my sister commented on it mentioning my uncle. Then my uncle said nasty things about my mom on Facebook. On my photo. Things about my mom being manipulative, thirsty for power, money and taking advantage of anyone she could. 

Really? On my photo? On Facebook? It was a photo. So anyway... I deleted all the comments, and talked to my uncle privately. He said he was attacked by my sister. I never mentioned him, and it was my photo. So I said he had disrespected me by commenting on it in such a rude way about my mother. I also said I didn't care about his issues with my sister, or my mom. He had disrespected me. So he actually apologized. That was it about that.

Growing up I don't remember being conscious about these broken relationships between my family. But they had to be there. They have always been there. I don't know if with time they've gotten worse, or what... But Christmas is not spent the same way anymore. Family is growing on one hand. One cousin already got married, my sister spends Christmas sometimes with Fili's family. I moved. I think the last Christmas we spent together was when I was pregnant with Libby. It was pretty much like they had been. Honestly I was expecting something magical would happen to brighten up the night, but nothing happened.

Giving their immune system a boost :)

I think I saw everybody for who they were. I love them all. But I can see now clearly, as an adult who matured, things for what they are. Things involving everyone. Probably I am annoying in some ways to them, too. So I guess the relationship between brother and sister (my uncle and mom) deteriorated with time, and for reasons that only they know. Obviously my uncle's wife is going to side with him, right? They do think we use people, I guess. My mom and I naively think we are still family. My sister disagrees, tough. After the photo incident she doesn't talk to my uncle, or that's the last thing I heard of. This is all very recent, less than a month old.  

There are dysfunctional families, and my family is one of them. If you ask me now, after living far far away from them for such a long time, I'm glad I am not involved in that daily drama anymore. But I still love them, you see? They are my family, and they will always be my earthly family. God choose that family for me, for a reason - for many reasons. I would not be the person I am now had I not been raised there. It's like what I was telling my mom when she was here. About my past, and stuff I wrote in my book. 

Outside

At the mall

Blowing bubbles

I had repented of many wrong choices I made. I have told God I know I did wrong. My choice was wrong, but I did it. It happened, and I wasn't even a Christian. And I don't regret having done it. Don't really know if that makes sense. I have repented, but I don't regret it. The consequences of those choices have made me grown into the woman I am now. I wouldn't know any better if that hadn't happened to me. I would not be raising my children the way I am, following God, if those things hadn't happened to me. So it serves me nothing to still feel guilty wishing I hadn't done that. I already confessed, and I know God has forgiven me. So why dwell on those things forever? I am not proud of them, but I don't have to hide them, either. Not from my family. 

I am far from perfect, but those experiences have shaped me. Where am I going with this? That's a good question... 

I think LOVE is very different from BLINDNESS.

LOVE (the way God loves, and the way He wants us to love others) is patient, and kind. And it is not rude. And it keeps no record of wrongs. It always hopes, and perseveres. It always trusts... 

But LOVE IS NOT BLIND. 

LOVE is a choice you make. Jesus chose to LOVE us. Knowing how we would reject Him, He still chose to LOVE us, and DIED for us. I don't think Jesus was blind to the fact that the people He came to save hated Him. He knew they despised him, and that they were trying to find a way to get rid of Him. And still He died for them (and us). See? Jesus hoped they would change their minds. I am talking about the people in Jesus' time. But it also applies to us right now. Jesus is still hoping you change your ways, He still perseveres in giving you ways to come to Him. God is not counting or keeping record of all the times you've screwed up. 

Posing with Nana in the wagon

The train

Riding the train

It's like what I was telling Emerson last night. When we argue, I am very upset, right? But then, after a while, I am able to forgive him. And when I do, I don't hold any grudges against him. It's like his slate is clean. I don't keep a record of how many times he has done the same things to me. Jesus wants me to forgive him as many times as it's needed. Out of love. Every time I forgive, I am not thinking about the next time he will wrong me. I actually hope it's the last one. And if it's not, I'm not focused on that. I don't think about that. I trust that he will choose right the next time. And if he doesn't, it's not on me. I guess he feels the same way about me.

I think this is how God feels about us. He remembers our sins nor more once we are His children (Jeremiah 31:34). He is God. I don't think He forgets, you see? I think He chooses to forget. He is not focused on that. He chooses to believe the best of us. And if we disappoint Him, it's ultimately our choice. And we do. I do. I disappoint Him over and over. Not everyday probably, but on a regular basis. I am human. I am a sinner.

Waking Nana up

Sweet Libby

Cheering for everybody

Loving this way is not possible without God's help. It's hard for me to explain. You are not meant to love the things they do to you. I don't like my mom most of the time, but I love her. I love who she is, and I love the fact that she loves God. And I'm thrilled that I spent a wonderful visit with her. She is dealing with so many things right now. And most of the time she is very negative, and overwhelming, and controlling, and I don't like what she does, but I love her. 

I know one day she will be made perfect into the image of Jesus, because He is her Savior. And I hope for the day when my mom will be freed of all the chains that are taking her captive right now. I cried that night after we had a long walk. I want to see my mom in heaven, the way she is supposed to be. WHOLE. I don't know if I will ever get to see a glimpse of that in this life, but I know one day I will. 

Blowing candles

At the same time, loving this way doesn't mean you are supposed to let people run you over, you know? You are hurt, okay, you forgive. But what about situations that need practical application, like real life crappy situations? 

Say, you have a friend who's very gossipy. You've discovered that every single thing you tell her, she goes and tells everybody. You know that. So love her, and forgive her. Confront her. But for loves's sake, use your brain, and shut your mouth! She has proven you over and over that she might not change. You hope she will, but circumstances have proven she cannot be trusted. Does loving her mean that you need to keep telling every single detail in your life? I don't think so. It does not. You love her. But you are not blind and dumb to the fact that she gossips. You see what I mean? 

With Tigger

With The Cat

THE photo

Me and my mom, again

Another one... Say you're trying to get out of debt. Then your wife keeps on spending the money you are working for. You paid off the cards, but she keeps on maxing them out. She says she's sorry. Over and over. And you pay them, over and over. Still, they are maxed out every now and again. You love your wife. You really do, but she cannot be trusted with money, obviously. Not now. So what does love do? LOVE does not mean you let her do whatever she wants. LOVE for everybody involved means that you pay them off one last time, and then you cancel the freaking cards, close the account, or whatever you need to do. She throws a fit? Well... she'll get over it. 

Or your son is an alcoholic, and he always comes to ask for money with whatever excuse. You want to believe him, you want to trust him, you hope the best for him. But over and over again, they call you because he's wasted somewhere. You get him help, and blah, blah. But in that situation, LOVE means (to me anyway) that next time he comes asking for money for groceries, he gets nothing. Nothing. He has abused your trust. He cannot be trusted. He simply cannot. He might not be the person he wants to be. And God really hopes the best for him, but at this point in his life, he is not reliable. You cannot put your trust in such a person. Not blindly. He needs groceries? Fine. Go to the grocery store, and buy him what he needs. But you do not give him a twenty, 'cause experience has shown you he'll get booze. See where I'm going?

Tough love, they call it. 

Love. Take 1

Love. Take 2

Love. Take 3

Love. Take 4

So after the photo incident, I overheard a conversation my mom was having with my uncle on Skype. I don't have the right to talk about their issues, but those issues have escalated to the point that ever since I remember, my mom has been abused verbally by him. Ever since I remember. Now whether my mom likes being abused or not, or has a sick relationship with him, because she raised him as a son, I don't know. She was 18, and he was 15, when their mom died. You would guess they would be like PB&J, right? 

Now, he is not the bad guy, either. My mom, I'm sure, has added to the drama. I mean, in this kind of codependency relationships, it always takes two, you know. My point is that you may know he abuses you, and you love him. That's one thing.  There are also limits, and boundaries. My mom has never, EVER, established those. And I personally don't think she ever will. That's her choice. I cannot solve her life, or lose sleep over her choices. Not anymore. It hurts me because it's hurting her, but it's not up to me to make those choices. Hence, it helps being far away from them. 

Enjoying the life

Wearing Tia's galsses

My hot date :)

My sister, on the other hand, is extremely explosive. She yells, screams at your face, whatever... to the point of arguing on Facebook with my uncle putting an end to the uncle-niece relationship. Oh, yes. So I overheard their conversation. 

  

My mom has always been told by the men in her life (I guess) how awful, disgusting, not worthy, stupid, etc, she is. So she believes all those things. It doesn't matter that they are not true. She believes that as the truth. On a very long walk we had, I had the opportunity to tell her that God loves her, and that she is none of those things. God is the King, and she is His daughter. She is a freaking Princess!!! And she's been told lies all her life. So anyway, here was my uncle trashing her in person on the computer, as always, right? 

Now, according to them, there was nothing wrong. They have always had that kind of relationship, where he trashes her, and she just nods. And I was taught not to stand up for myself as to not upset anybody. I was taught to shut my mouth because we didn't want upset our family, or being disrespectful with my uncle. I don't know why... I guess she naively thought we were a family, and don't get me wrong, we are. But I guess she thought all these things were meant to be silent or ignored. You know, like the big elephant in the room. I grew up like that. Letting my uncle say whatever he wanted to say because he was my mom's brother.  

Playing in the rain

OUT!

OUT with Daddy

Sleeping arrangements with family in town

LOVE does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices with the truth. So anyway... I saw my mom as fragile as I've never seen her, and I felt my blood boiling inside of me. I asked my cousin to turn off the computer, and I asked my mom to get out of my room. Then I proceeded to tell my uncle to stop giving crap to my mom. The yelling and all began, because nothing was happening, you see? They were just... talking, like they normally do. 

I told my uncle - OK. Yes. I yelled at my uncle - that my mom needed words of love, and appreciation. She needed people to encourage her and lift her up, not people to destroy her, or bury her deeper into her depression. I told him he's contributing to her depression. 

I also said that it was my mom's choice to eat his crap once she came back to Mexico. But she was not going to eat his crap while she was in MY house. Honesty, it felt really good to say in MY house. I stood up for my mom. YAY for me!

Then my mom and my cousin left the apartment supposedly to go for a walk - I guess they assumed I was angry. I caught up with them, and told my cousin I was really sorry for what had happened, because after all he was her dad. Again I told my mom that if she wanted to eat crap, she would have to go back to Mexico, because nobody would mistreat her in my presence anymore. I guess I need to apologize to my uncle eventually for ending the conversation in such a rude way, I guess. I won't apologize for the things I said, tough. I never insulted him, or call him names. I just set some boundaries. Not for my mom. She needs to set those for herself. Love, in that case, does not mean she needs to let people abuse her. It might mean spending less time with them, or avoiding conversations that might lead to abuse, or whatever...

But I set some boundaries on how my mom is to be treated in my house. 

Another long walk

After all that, I realized that what has bothered my dad and my sister the most after all these years is the fact that my mom seems to pretend that nothing is going on. But after all we went through these three weeks - believe me, there is more to say, but I won't say it- I don't think she is BLIND. She is not. She knows. She knows what they think of her, what they say about her, and all the back stabbing that goes on behind curtains in our family. It happens, right?

I think it's upsetting to see someone be treated like that, and pretend there is nothing going on. But she is not pretending. My sister, my dad and I were upset all these years because we thought she was like, an idiot, for not realizing all these things. But she knows!! And she still chooses to love them. Again, after all we know now, I don't think anymore she is blind to these facts. She knows. And still chooses to love them. I don't think she trusts them blindly, but she hopes one day they will come around. I don't think she will trust them with her life, but she keeps on persevering on the relationship with her brother.

Nana and Libby

She is not a saint, ok? I'm not elevating to a martyr, but she taught me many things these weeks. She taught me practically what the Bible means when it says that loves covers over a multitude of sins. And that it is wise to overlook an offense. And that instead of praying for God to destroy your enemy, you should love your enemy. You should pray for those who mistreat you, and insult you. There is more courage in that. It takes a stronger person to be able to do that. She taught me to love better. It is possible to love that way. She loves, not perfectly, but she loves the way God loves... 

And I'm the one who reads the Bible every day  >(

Which takes me to another point... Conflict is inevitable among Christians and non-Christians. The way you deal with that conflict, tough, reveals what's in your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, Jesus said. It doesn't matter if you go to church or read your Bible every single day. It's all about your faith, not the things you do. It is by GRACE we are saved, not through our good deeds. It is only by faith in Jesus that we can have a relationship with God. 

At the airport

I love my mom. I argued with her every single day about what not to do with my children, how she is supposed to eat as a diabetic, how annoying she is when she tells me we eat a lot of cheese, and how much oil she uses to cook an egg. What else? Oh, yeah... about who would pay the check at the restaurant, and how long it takes her to order and then to eat... 

But she is my mom, and I love her. I am proud of who she is, and I am proud of how she loves :)

  

Celebrating everybody left :)