After the family drama, and a full-house for three weeks...
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare ~ Japanese proverb.
My motto on parenting. You work on having a long term relationship with your children. You will be friends with them one day, and they will love you, and thank you for what you did. That's my vision. You are not their friend now. Right now you are their parent. They will love you right now, but might not like you most of the time since you say NO constantly, set proper limits, teach them love and respect for God, and all people by discipline them. You discipline them because you love them. Because you love them enough to teach them right from wrong, even if the wrong may not seem that wrong.
Silly examples from my life are: my children don't play with a ball they see at the park because it's not ours. Even if the owner is not around anymore, it is not ours. They see the owner, then they may ask him if they can play with his ball. The moms usually say it's okay (even if the little jerks said no). But the mom said yes, so I let my children play with it. Because we asked for permission. If the owner never shows up, they may look at it, and touch it (Libby insists to feel the ball). But they don't play with it.
I'm teaching respect. What do you want me to say? It's not ours. But the owner is not there!!! So it's okay... NOT.
Translate it thirty years from now: I cheated on my husband. But he doesn't know!!! So it's okay... NOT.
I think one of my biggest mistakes sometimes is that I'm too black and white on some things, and very gray with others. Like church attendance... I'm really gray. I mean, there was a point in my life when I was at church every single Sunday, and I wrongly judged those who weren't. With family here for three weeks, we didn't go. Are we awful Christians because we didn't go to church for a whole month? I don't think so. What's the point of going if my mother would not understand a single thing? I would rather show her practically the love of Christ while she is here. I guess I could go on my own, without them, but it doesn't feel right, either. Everybody has their choices to make.
So anyway... I'm going through a difficult phase with Libby, and it sucks. Disobedience and disrespect. And yelling and screaming. And I'm on top of her!! I just can't imagine if I weren't... It's just rebelliousness, I have no idea. But there is hope.
Hope that one day my children will call me blessed. That one day, like God promises, they won't depart from the right path that I started them on. And I cry, and at days, I feel hopeless (especially if I couldn't sleep well, and haven't had my morning coffee and morning allergy pill), but I hold on to those promises my Daddy in Heaven has for me :))
Enzo and Libby's last day at the squirrels
Read lots of books on Christian parenting. They suck. I mean, good Bible verses. But they talk in such a way that make you (or only me) feel stupid, like the author's children were raised perfectly. It's the same feeling I get when listening to Beth Moore, like she's so perfect. I just wonder how the heck did they have time to raise such perfect children and write a book at the same time?? Maybe, just maybe, they realized their mistakes and wrote about the right way of raising a child. OR actually, wrote those books being already grandparents, or empty nesters.
There's no freaking way I could write a book while raising two active toddlers... I might write my own book, with real language about frustration, and stuff, like real life stuff. You know, I've felt like shaking Libby... I've felt so angry that I want to spank Enzo until he is quiet. People may say I have an anger management problem, but I don't think I do. It's really upsetting to have your three year-old walking away from you when you are telling her to do something, and when you follow her, she slams the door of her room on your face... I mean, any normal mom would feel upset. My pride hurts. And that's why I get so mad. Because she disrespected ME. How dare she?
But it's not about me, but her and God. And me being the image of God in her eyes. We need to work this out. We have to be reconciled. She broke our relationship, I go out of my way to mend it. I work to make the peace. Anyway, moving on. I didn't mean to make this post about parenting. One day, I tell you, wait for that book...
I read something the other day about a guy who thinks the word blessing shouldn't be used when referring to material possessions. He said something about people -Christians and non Christians- thinking that a blessing is normally associated with money, or the ability to acquire stuff. I get his point. You know, after all, I've told Elizabeth and Enzo many times that having a car is a blessing...
I really understand what he meant. I just think that sometimes we are always trying to say the right things the right way, and no matter how hard we try, there will always be someone who doesn't like what we've just said. I think that as long as people KNOW that the blessing in itself is not the possession -call it a car, house, phone- but the fact that God provides it for us, then it is okay. Not only that, you also have to use your mouth wisely, and discern who you are talking to. Your church friends might get you, but other people don't.
My children know -at least I tell them- that having a car is a blessing because Daddy and Mommy didn't have a car when we got to this country, and God provided one for us in an amazing way. God provided. Yes, it is a blessing to be able to buy groceries. Also, the fact that Emerson has a job and he gets paid with money. Because it is with that money that we can go buy the food we need to eat. See what I mean? But I don't buy a watch, and post a photo on Facebook saying, "Feeling blessed".
Radio Ga Ga
This morning we were listening to music, and one of the songs was about that Bible verse in Jeremiah 29:11-14
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity".
I read it again when we were having breakfast, and I told Libby and Enzo that God has our backs. I am getting excited about the trip, and I've been winning the battle against anxiety. Sometimes I kinda cry two tears here and there, because I know what it feels to get to a new place, not knowing anybody around, and not speaking the language. But hopefully they'll speak a little English. But I am doing well. Specially now that everything seems to be finally happening. Paper work is going okay, and the visas are being taken care of.
Visa Photo Shoot
Emerson says it's going to be better for me moving to Chennai from the US, than it was moving to Columbus from Mexico. I don't know. I know my children are pretty much my world right now, but the fact that we won't get to get out unless Emerson is with us really stresses me out. We'll be living in a hotel for about two weeks until we find a place to live in. What do you do stuck in a hotel room with your children? I cannot get out sight seeing, because I don't want to be alone... anyway, I have to get used to it. I'm excited about BSF. I'm already registered for the Bible Study. It starts on August!!
We are packing already, just getting into boxes things that we don't really need anymore. I threw away bunches of toys that the children had. One day I felt perky about getting into the children's room, and I began cleaning out using my brain, not my heart. I did save some toys that I loved seeing them play with, things to remember. We still have to choose which ones are going to Chennai, and which ones stay. I sometimes think that it's gonna take long, but not really, I guess...
Don't remember if I posted about getting our vaccines. We did, but Libby was missing. We went to Texas Children's Hospital (downtown) for her to get them. She obviously cried, but was willing to let herself be poked by the nurse. I'm proud of my girl. She got ice cream after that, of course. I've also fought pharmacies and doctors, so that I can get my prescriptions for three months.
You know the usual things I deal with on a regular basis: dry eye, eczema, and allergies. That involves nasal sprays, plus more than three over the counter medications. I also had to go to the doctor because I had some infection under my armpit. A clogged gland, I guess. I had two little pimple-looking balls, and they hurt. So more prescriptions. They said it happens a lot when you shave or sweat a lot. I sweat a lot. I haven't shaved in two weeks per doctor's advice. Also, I went all in - haven't shaved my legs, either.
|Nina's pum pum-selfie|
We also had a get-together with friends from church group, we ate yummy food, and we said our good-byes. Nina and Nino were playing outside with me, or with Emerson. They have so much energy. That Saturday we went to a birthday party first, and I was exhausted. Anyway, the cake looked really nice!
When I come back, God willing, I'm gonna start some classes or something like that one day about pastry, or cakes or stuff, on a more professional level. Like, I make a killer carrot cake, alright, and it will sell if people try it first. But how am I suppose to run a business? More than flavor and taste, how you advertise your product and the looks of it are the main thing in that industry, I think. I need to learn about that. I get a lot of satisfaction when people like the flavor of what I make, but if I don't know how to start a business, and make it grow, then nothing really matters. I'd really love to have a business like that, where Libby and Enzo can actually help through the years. I don't know.
If nothing works, tough, I'll always have Baker Hughes people to send my samples to. They always eat them :))
|Friends who are going to Chennai|
We also celebrated Father's Day. Emerson is an ostrich and did not want to go out. I understand, places are crowded that day. But I felt like doing something, celebrating. But inside the house? I just needed to buy him something. The children made for him some crafts, and Libby and I decorated a cake for him. And I just ran to HEB to buy some deli food, and had a special lunch for Daddy ;)
|Pool of rice|
Shredding a carrot
|Nina asked if this carrot was the mommy of the baby carrots she eats. Awww...|
|Eager to eat cake|
|Daddy's Day 2014|
|Sweeping the mess Mommy and Sister made :)|
Enzo is growing into such a good boy. Do not hear me wrong, he is still a work in progress. He hits, pushes, and tackles her sister down when he is upset. Which in itself is something that we are working on, very hard. The other day, he just hit Libby on the face out of the blue. Talking to him does not help. We do talk to him about it, but even tough he knows it's wrong (I think he knows, we've told him a million times), he keeps doing it. So his behind is still suffering the consequences.
I've seen progress, however. Sometimes he charges to hit her, but controls himself, and hugs her. I think he is still upset because he cries and throws himself to the floor after hugging her, but he does not hit her. I think that's progress. God does not want you to swallow your emotions. If you're angry, you are angry. God wants you to not sin (lie, steal, hurt other, say stuff you'll regret) when you're angry.
|Lollipop for being good and patient at OD's office|
Enzito is becoming very helpful, too. He helps pick up toys, or bring water or trays to the table. He likes Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He is my baby. I see him and he looks so much younger than Libby looked at that age. I don't know if that's normal. He is such a child. Libby was or looked different to me. I guess that always happens with older-younger siblings.
Attagirls for me and little Miss Elizabeth. I thought I hadn't put effort in Enzo's education as much as I did with Libby (and I haven't, really). But my little efforts day by day, combined with Libby's, had made Enzo know his A, B, D, E, F, H, L, M, N, O, S, and T's. Still working on recognizing all of them, but he can pronounce the phonics of every single one :))
|Burned my french press :(|
We've been visiting parks lately. We want to play as much as we can before leaving. I'll keep you posted on the final date :))
Whatever your situation, take heart... Whether you have Jesus as your Savior or not, pretty much everybody agrees Jesus was real, and that He actually died on a cross. So whatever your situation, make the best out of it. Know that there is hope.
I mean, in your struggles, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. Have you?