domingo, 21 de septiembre de 2014


So last night Emerson and I were reading a book that was given to me by my friend Dana. It's a daily devotional for couples, and it talks about different things on marriage, Christian marriages. I guess any couple could read it and would benefit from it, but some things might just not make sense AT ALL unless you are are a follower of Jesus Christ.

Fascinated by the tent of sheets

Jesus Christ... I've been hearing that a lot as a cursing word lately in a show I'm watching. I'm not gonna stop watching the show because I like the show. But my brain sometimes wonders things that might not be very important, you know? Like, why would they use Jesus' name instead of some other guy? Like say, in a conversation where they say, "Are you f... kidding me? Jesus!! How can you do that??!!" I mean, they could say something along the lines of, "Are you messing with me?? F... Allah/Vishnu/Parvati/Buda!! Why did you do that?!"


I guess this is a stupid way to waste my time thinking. Of course, it is an American show. So I wonder, if I watched Indian shows, would they do the same but with the names of their gods? Or not? I'm not getting all defensive, Jesus can take care of Himself. I was just thinking about that. Or like when people say or write OMG, when they are trying to communicate excitement, or frustration or surprise. I mean, is He or it really your God/god? What do you mean? Because people who are completely not believers in anything use these expressions, too. So what god are you talking about if you say you don't believe in any...

Paneer butter masala. He's Indian now :)

I understand it is just an expression, and I will leave it at that. I just think it is very funny how different we might think we are from others, but from what I'm seeing here, everybody is the same. We all struggle with the same shit. Pardon my French. All of us cheat or have cheated. All of us lie or have lied. We all are humans who need love. And the heck with people who might tell me they don't need love. Everyone wants to be loved, feel loved, and accepted, no matter what they have done or what they have said. Everybody wants a father, or a mother, or both who will comfort you when you are afraid, or who will wipe your tears away when your heart is broken. 

Anyway... where was I going with all this? I guess I am just trying to say that genuinely loving people requieres strength that, I believe, only God can give you. All this is just very weird, you know? I am trying to communicate with my driver, Kannadasan, because I saw a little booklet he had in the car. It was written in Tamil. So he mentioned it was songs for his god, and that he sings. And Kannadasan follows ten gods, some hindu gods, other Tamilian gods. And then he laughs as I say, "Wow... that's a lot of gods. Me? Only one."

Filter coffee

And what do I know, right? For all I know, he sometimes says things to me in Tamil that I have no idea what they mean. Speaking of gods, he asked me if I pray to Mary, and I say, "No! Of course not". And then he tells me how some god married a goddess and they had two children. And those children are related to some other gods. This, mind you, when he is driving me to BSF. And yesterday he said something along the lines of personal god. And he said it in English. I was trying to use google translator to ask him if his gods were like, people, or flesh and bones, or just a big thing? I think in Hinduism there is no "Satan", no evil force against their god/gods. And then other Hindu woman told me they are allowed to lie, that if it's to spare other people's feelings, it is okay. Yet the internet says something different. And here I am asking myself, "What the heck, guys? Aren't you on the same page with Brahma? Why can't you put yourselves together and tell me the same things, so that I can understand what you exactly believe?"

Because I really want to understand what they believe... I really do. Because Jesus and Ganesh aside, my friend Revathy is a very sweet mother, and I like her a lot. And Kannadasan is a good driver, who paid his own ticket to get into the Crocodile Bank with us. Emerson thought that was weird... I mean, we said, "See you later, Kannadasan. It will be like an hour." And five minutes later, Kannadasan was carrying Enzo so that he could see the crocs better, ha ha ha! And Kannadasan oldest brother is 50 years old, and his mother is seventy-five. And he told Emerson that his niece is studying to be a nurse. And his mommy (he calls her that) is looking for someone so that he can get married, but he is in love with someone else. Better than a Bollywood movie...

You DO NOT touch the crocodiles, okay? 

"Ice Age" crocodile
Resting. I guess

My loves :)

--  Love. 
--  No love... My culture, no love, arrange marriage.    
-- Well, THAT sucks... I love Emerson. [Emerson is buying milk while my children are crying their lungs out because I took them out of the grocery store. Libby had thrown herself to the floor.]

But all this "confusion" in my mind makes sense in a beautiful, weird way (like Horton tells Kathy in the movie). It's even laughable. Here I am trying to make sense of all their beliefs, and then I thought that if a Muslim or a Hindu would visit the USA for a year or so, and then gets in contact with say a Catholic, a Mormon, a Jehova's witness, an Evangelical Christian, a Methodist, some Lutherans, some Pentecostals, or even some Adventists, plus a Baptist... and his mind would be screwed forever about Christianity. He wouldn't understand AT ALL what the gospel is. What the true gospel of Jesus Christ is about. Jesus never had in mind all these denominations man has created... but as I am trying to understand these new beliefs to make sense of their actions, I find myself liking the people, and even loving them.

Walking at the Crocodile Bank

And it kinda breaks my heart to think that if my God is the One True God like I believe, no matter how nice they are or how "good" people they think they are, that's not gonna make a difference in their eternal destiny. Which I feel unable to communicate because we don't speak the same English. They don't care about a final destination. It's embedded in their culture that you are not perfect, therefore you have to attain perfection several times so you get better and better. Hence, reincarnation. And then I think about reincarnating and that concept just seems so distant to me...

Because it is embedded in my faith that my God will never create me twice or three times because He never makes mistakes, and He will never let me be a dog on the streets. And even if I attained perfection by reincarnating, at the end I just become one with the universe. But what does that mean? Does it mean that my X lives were in vain? Did they actually serve me to be a better "one" with the universe? Is there a point with being one with the universe? Why would I want that?

Ready to go to work like Daddy
Beauty in progess

The more I think about it, the less I understand anything, which I think is good. I'm not really focusing on getting it, and so I don't get distracted from what it is important: Loving people.

Because my God wants me to love them, I believe everybody needs to be loved and accepted no matter what or which their god is. So I will, no matter what :) 

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