My teenager :)

Jan 10th, 2013

It's been a while since I've written anything in here. I do have time, I just don't feel like blogging. It's just that between cooking and chores around the house, I don't have the time to sit down and write for an hour or so. 

Enzo is not sleeping anymore as he used to. His naps are way too short, sometimes just 30 or 40 minutes. He is eating every 3 or 4 hours - make that 2 if I have something else going on, like going to pick up Emerson or getting them ready for walking in the evening. 

Today I was able to realize that I'm becoming more patient with my daughter. I don't think I do a good job sometimes. I mean, I think I'm patient, but it is those moments when I lose it that Emerson says she will remember the most. Anyway, we went for a walk with Merritt. Libby began crying since I took Harry away from her after having warned her twice to stop dropping him. But she continued crying - screaming at the top of her lungs- for 20 minutes on the way back. 

Libby and Dori

When we got home, she continued and it was getting worse and worse. I took her out of the stroller and she wanted to go walk. I said Enzo needed to nurse and she was holding my legs, not letting me walk. All this - mind you- screaming. I feel bad every time she grabs my legs because I want to get out of the way, but if I don't do it very fast she holds on so tight that she ends up in the floor; and it seems like I pushed her. 

I wanted to nurse Enzo, he needed to eat. She either couldn't let go of the incident with Harry, plus was mad because we didn't walk when she wanted to, or she was jealous of Enzo. Every time I tried to grab Enzo she would scream. She was just calling me  "Mama, Mama", like she does when she wants me, and no one but me. I was holding her as tight as I could, but she kept calling for me. I honestly thought there was something wrong with her, maybe she was about to get sick.  I don't know how she didn't throw up with all the crying and the adrenaline that probably was rushing through her little body.  

Sister's love

I began singing to her our usual song, "Mommy and Daddy will always love you, Mommy and Daddy always will. No matter what you say... not matter what you do. Mommy and Daddy will always love no matter what. No matter what". More screaming because I sing that one to her when it's time to go night nights. So I began rocking her, and praying in my heart. I honestly didn't know what to do. When all this craziness began I was laughing, not to her face, but it was funny to see how mad she was. But then it got out of control, and I was shocked. I honestly had never seen her like this, ever. 

She cried and screamed non stop for at least 40 minutes. I just continued rocking her, and telling her I loved her, that I adored her. Enzo was just looking at us, and he would smile. Wasn't he hungry? I bet he was, but I don't know... it was just one of those moments when everybody seems to freeze. Enzo was smiling at her while she was crying. And little by little I began rocking her but I was able to actually see her face (before she wouldn't let me, she just wanted to be hugged). I cried a little. This has nothing to do with it maybe, but I thought about Jesus calling for his Mama. I imagined Mary's pain when she watched her Son die. I would do anything, almost anything to ease Libby's pain. I wonder how she felt...

My adolescent :)

I put her on the floor and then, like nothing had happened,  she screamed in that distinctive acute noise she does when she sees her brother, and gave him a hug. The world was normal again. What the heck just happened??!! I have no idea. But I like the fact that I gave her what she needed: ME.

New Year was great, and my first fondant cake was okay. I still have to work on some details, and I want to improve the fondant's flavor. Overall, without taking any classes I'd say it was great. 

  

New Year's cake

I'm tired... I guess this will be one of those long posts that are made of different mini posts. I need to go to bed. We are going camping tomorrow. Y A Y :S

No, seriously... I'm really excited :)

Reading stories with Dady

El Guapito

Playing silly with Enzo

Stacking and Climbing

Jan 12th, 2013

We are back from camping. I have to say, all things considered, it has been - objectively- the worst night we have all spent together (We camped with Libby only once before Enzo was born, and this is the second camping trip for the four of us).

That being said, it was also the best night I have ever had in a long, long time. I'll explain.

We picked up Dada at work at 11:30 am, and stopped for lunch. We drove all the way to Huntsville and Libby only slept about 30 minutes. That was the nap for the day. After the tent was pitched, we went for a walk, but Libby was so tired that she didn't walk much. She was so cranky that I ended up carrying her most of the way, either on my back or my arms. Seriously  if she was not crying, she was falling in the muddy trail and would complain her hands were dirty. Well, she even complained because I was singing!

I wonder if my children will ever get tired of me speaking to them about God. I got tired of my mom telling me the same things 30 times when I was growing up. But it was mostly stuff that I needed to do. We don't read our Bibles a lot lately, but God is present most of the day in our house. We are always talking to Him here and there. The trail was not the exception.  Libby was walking on the marks that the park's truck leaves behind in the mud, they are really narrow. I told her to walk on those since they were more even than the rest of the trail. So you would imagine me telling her that narrow is the gate that takes you to heaven, and singing about Jesus is the Way, Truth and Life - Seeds Style.

Enzo speaking

She was always shaking her head because she didn't want me to sing. Enzo was sleeping the whole time. But she would ask me to carry her, and a minute later, she would ask me to put her down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on one person! 

I stopped carrying her, and she would cry even more. I remember looking at the sky, not because I wanted to talk to God at that moment, but because I was laughing at her crankiness. But I remember thinking, "Why? Why do we have to come all the way here and Libby always cries because of Dori's leash? Why are we here?"

Enzo speaking more

We kept on walking, and I decided to carry Libby all the way back, about a mile. She would cry here and there, just whining. I was suddenly, and I mean suddenly in a good mood, a great mood. I told her to stop whining, that I was carrying her so she had no reason to whine about. I told her that it was okay to be tired and cranky but that if she was not going to walk, at least she should enjoy the Creation God made for her. I pointed at the trees, at the sky, the streams of water. I told her that God had spoken into my heart minutes before because I was asking why this, why that. 

I told her, "Libby, God said I do not know how to be joyful. He said that I do not enjoy my life when things do not go the way I want them to go. But Nena, there is always a reason to be joyful. Enjoy your life. You don't want to walk, that's fine, don't walk. But look at the trees, look at all this. God created this for us to enjoy it."

Best sister in the world

Changing diapers in the car :)

We prayed after that. We thanked God for everything. She kept on crying, but my mind just was like somewhere else. It's like I changed gears if that makes sense. And that was awesome considering the night that awaited us. I knew God had spoken into my heart. I knew it because it was true, what He said. I wanted to enjoy my life. I wanted to have a great time with my family. And that's what happened. 

When we came back, we had dinner: crackers, cheese, strawberries, chips, water. We hung out for an hour or so. Libby was playing around running on the leaves, coloring, entertaining herself. The sky darkened and we thought it was going to rain. We cleaned up everything, put everything we didn't need in the car, and got in the tent about 6:30 pm. Libby was obviously tired. It was awesome... Okay, so most days I cannot wait for 7 pm. to get here so that we can put her to bed and rest, I'm tired by then. 

But on Friday I just wanted to be with them. Enzo was sleeping but he woke up as soon as we got in the tent. We were inside coloring with her, playing with her blocks, just hanging out. She was jumping on the air mattresses. We said many NOs, especially when she leaned against the tent walls. I nursed Enzo. She was just so happy and content being with us. There was no way she was going to sleep on her own, specially if not confined to the pack n' play, and we didn't bring it. Last time she screamed bloody murder while she was there, and it felt awful. We knew that it had to be a case of lights out and make her sleep. 

Emerson's gift

After nursing Enzo, we opened up a bottle of Tripel, and drank some beer. Libby wanted to taste it, but she didn't. I don't know, maybe I'm forgetting something, but I have no idea how we were able to stay inside with a toddler that gets incredibly destructive when she is so tired. She was hugging Enzo, kissing him, falling down on the air mattresses  pretending to knock on walls and calling her Nana more than 20 times. After finishing our beer, we talked for twenty more minutes and then we decided to go night, nights. And then, the crying began... 

Enzo was crying trying to go to sleep, Libby was crying because we were playing/making her stay on the bed. She would try to get up, we pulled her down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. She would cry, turn around, call Nana. Enzo would keep crying. At about 9 pm, Enzo fell asleep, Emerson was snoring, and Libby was still up. I had to hug her and put her on top of me. I began telling her how much I loved her, and eventually she fell asleep. 

Date night outside

I remember looking at the tent's ceiling - with her hair on my nose- and just thanking God for the wonderful day, and for the wonderful family night. I thanked Him for speaking truth in my life and helping me enjoy non enjoyable moments. I was loving not sleeping because I don't get to sleep with my daughter like that. There is not a single moment of the day where she wants to be lying on the floor on top of me, just hugging each other. I felt so blessed, so amazingly blessed...

Speaking of not sleeping, Emerson bought me a pillow at the chiropractor's. It's helping me rest better. I wouldn't say sleep better, because there are still moments when I open my eyes in the middle of the night and I know I am awake. I've wondered how it felt like to go to sleep, to close your eyes and open them in the morning without knowing what had happened. I did that yesterday!!! I woke up because my breasts hurt, and I thought it had to be at least six because they were awfully engorged, and it was 6:05 am!! I didn't open my eyes, and it felt awesome. 

After probably ten minutes of having Libby on top of me, I couldn't breathe normally anymore. I rolled her over to my left arm, and we stayed like that for at least an hour. Then she began waking up constantly calling for me, I would said I was right there. Then she would roll her tongue to make the L sound asking for the doll, and I would find the doll. And it was like that until 4:30 am, when she woke up for at least half and hour. Emerson was awake too. I nursed Enzo so that he would go back to sleep, but Libby seemed to like the idea of her day starting at 4:30 am. I didn't. She cried, and cried, and I held her down for what seemed a long time for me, and then we passed out. Seriously, I had no idea how it happened, but I fell asleep with her until 7:30 am. Thank goodness!!!

The next morning we had breakfast, packed everything and came home. We cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed  gave them a one-hour bath. We were very productive, I didn't take a single nap and I was exhausted. That's why I didn't open my eyes at all last night. I just remember it was around 10 when we went to bed, and when I woke up it was 6:05 am :))

 My little nerd

Jan 14th, 2013

Other than that, nothing has happened. Libby is very sweet, and Enzo is really vocal and happy. I love my children. Libby wants more and more time with me in the kitchen. Just today she helped me prepare my coffee with the Keurig, she helped me make pizza, and made my oatmeal. She got mad she couldn't do anything else. She was very bored because I was cooking and couldn't play with her like I do almost every day. We are meeting some new friends tomorrow, so hopefully she will have fun with a crawling 10 month old. 

Playing with water

I think all this time I've been telling myself that my life is perfect, but it is not. I mean, no one's life is perfect, right? But when I look at my beautiful children, how healthy they are, how healthy we are, that we have everything we need and even more, that we have God who loves us very much, a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, food to eat, Emerson has a job, and I get to spend all day with them... 

Yes, we may have many issues, but I cannot express it any other way: My life is perfect.

Camping with a daredevil