HAPPENINGS BEFORE COMING BACK
Libby is four years old, and Emerson turned 32. We celebrated by going to the mall and having a hotdog.
Enzo got lost at the hotel where we were staying before coming back to Texas. He was crying when we found him. Hopefully that will teach him (both of them) to listen TO ME, and not get in the elevator even if somebody offers to give them a ride. They ran ahead of me, and they got in the elevator before I could do anything :(
Emerson (we) had the visa appointments when we needed them, and exactly at the right timing. It is not funny anymore to see how sometimes we still doubt that God will provide for our needs... but it is still reassuring that God has a plan for us.
Enzo broke his head because he fell from the bed, but thankfully he didn't need stitches.
We sold the car promptly after one day.
The children got sick many times during the last weeks of being in India. With hotel rooms and the airplanes - and everything changing around us - there was throw up at unexpected times.
Life seems normal now, but not really.
HAPPENINGS IN TEXAS
Being back is great. I felt weird at the beginning, but now it feels like I never left. It's difficult to describe, so this is not an attempt at all. Several things have happened in my life and my faith. It just "feels" different. America feels different. It feels like India was only a dream - it came and it left in the blink of an eye - and now I'm back here again not knowing what to make of it all.
My children are older and potty trained. I'm cooking more, but we are still living in a "hotel". We might be the owners of a house soon, but nothing is certain until it is certain. Friendships picked up where we left, so that's great.
We've gone to church twice, and when I look around, it just feels different. We are going to Sunday School thanks to a bouncy castle that the children like. And we also do BSF and MOPS, so the children are happy. The playgrounds are awesome, and there is always something to do rather than being watching shows all day long. That made me choose to keep Libby from going to preschool this year (and only this year), and I will also be homeschooling Enzo :)
I wanted to send them to school so badly because I want to do my own thing - reading, watching debates, taking online classes - but it seems it is not time yet. The children and I are reading our Bibles together, and two nights ago Libby made a comment that made me think she is really listening.
LIBBY AND ENZO MAKE ME SMILE :)
After I explained the gospel two nights ago, she casually said, "Oh, I believe that... Enzo, do you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins? Okay, mom, we believe, now we will never die."
I didn't jump in excitement because I know she doesn't understand many things yet. I guess this is the moment every mom is waiting for, like seizing the time when your child accepts Jesus in their heart. And I didn't seize it. It didn't feel authentic yet.
|They missed The Squirrels|
My personal journey is still developing, and I am still learning many things within my own faith. And it just feels different. Not better or worse - just different.
I actually laughed when Libby said she believed. I said, "Really?
It was refreshing to be reminded that there is nothing in the gospels that requires you to have evidence. The requirement is belief in the death and resurrection of Jesus, and repentance from sin. The New Testament actually encourages looking for evidence if you want to. Christianity is a reasonable faith - contrary to my own belief for the past eight years. And I am still gathering evidence.
Libby and Enzo made me smile when they said they believed. I smiled, and then I laughed at my own agnosticism or skepticism... whatever the right definition would be. They proved me wrong. You can believe just like that. I did that once. And if you don't believe just like that, it is okay. Doubting does not disqualify you from being a true follower of Jesus. It certainly hasn't disqualified me.
My faith feels like a choice right now. I had always said that, but I probably never really had the opportunity to choose differently - if that makes sense.
The Christian faith IS a choice. And I am choosing Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
For YOU who have prayed for me,
- Christian scholar John Crossan said that even if we hadn't heard it from the gospels, other two ancient Jewish historians - Flavius Josephus and Cornelius Tacitus - confirm that Jesus died by crucifixion.
- Ex-Christian and now agnostic scholar Bart Erhman (who constantly challenges the reliability of the New Testament) said that the denial that Christ was crucified is like the denial of the Holocaust. For some it is simply too horrific to affirm. For others it is an elaborate conspiracy to coerce religious sympathy. But the deniers live in a historical dreamworld.
- Even atheist Gerd Lüdemann said that Jesus' death as a consequence of crucifixion is indisputable despite hypotheses of a pseudo-death or a deception which are sometimes put forward.
Yeah, it feels weird to say this... History - not faith alone - is saving the day for me. Thanks for your prayers, friends :)
BTW, I heard this song at church. And, of course, I cried. LOL!
Becasue He lives