Change is good, or so they say. My dad reminded me today that I'm about to celebrate my fifth anniversary of living in America. If you ask me, I don't ever, for any reason, whatsoever, want to leave this beautiful country. But that is not up to me.
But this post is about changes, I guess. There have been some major ones in our lives lately. For instance, Elizabeth is 13 months old, and she has her own bedroom now. It will be only hers for three months, though. Well, probably longer, because the baby will sleep in the bedroom with Emerson and I so that Elizabeth can sleep through the night without waking up every time the baby cries.
We moved last week to a two-bedroom apartment. Merritt and Brad helped us move stuff. Jeff also came that weekend, it was crazy.
|Accesorios de Princeeesa|
I feel home now. I was not able to use my computer for a week, and I actually missed it. I don't want to sell it anymore, Emerson. This is easy for me to use. I can deal with Elizabeth and the baby getting time-outs every time they touch it. And I don't know what happened, but I can't change this white background...
Anyway... I am sure many things have happened in three weeks since I wrote last time, but I forgot. My computer was packed, and my little notebook where I write stuff to remember what I'll write about was also packed. I didn't want to use Emerson's computer to write my blog. It doesn't feel the same, I don't know, I'm weird.
I guess one of the things that struck me the most about this move is how "handicapped" you get when you are pregnant. Do not get me wrong, I want to take care of this baby, and I did take care of him/her, that's why I didn't lift a finger... I mean, I did help carry out things, but not very heavy things. Merritt did most of the work the first day, and I took care of Libby and Kori. We are very blessed to have friends like them.
I am also very blessed to have a child like Elizabeth. I am proud of being her mom, and I am proud of the little human being I am molding. I am not the perfect mom, but I am a great mom.
The weekend we moved, I saw the fruit of having let my child cry more than I would've wanted when she was younger. She was happy just playing in her pack n play by herself, reading her books, making noises for me. At times I felt awful because I would be putting stuff in boxes ans she was just doing "nothing", just watching me. I didn't actually sit down with her and play as usual. We didn't read our Bibles every morning, like, for a week. I missed us.
We were just dancing in boxes, but little by little this place began looking better. Nothing worked when we moved, which made me mad, because I had zero tolerance for that kind of thing... the apartment wasn't clean; the dishwasher, the alarm system and the drier didn't work, the kitchen floor wasn't ready, some doors didn't close. All that happened when Jeff came to visit, and we were paying rent, it was supposed to be ready. Oh, well, it doesn't really matter now. There are few details that still need to be worked out, but they will be.
|Skyping with style|
I love my life. I absolutely love my family. I am so thankful for the things we have, not only material things, but most importantly, spiritual things. I am able to raise my daughter in a whole different way that I would have raised her had I not know about Jesus and what He did for me.
We have good friends, Emerson has a job, we can pay rent. Libby is healthy, baby is healthy. Libby is eating like a little elephant lately, really, she ate half my portion of food today. She is such a bright girl, so active, she never stops.
|Hamburger at Karbach|
|At Karbach with Mr. Jeff|
|Jun 30, 2012. Walking at 26 weeks.|
This weekend we will go to buy some tennis shoes for her. On July 4 (yesterday), we took her out to walk and she walked 0.1 miles, not bad for her age. She was very tired after that, not only physically, I assume. She was exploring the world. She had a nap at 9 am, when she usually can go until 10:30 am. I don't want her to wear the crocs to walk and exercise. I'm planning on start training her so that she can go running with us one day.
|Walking with the man of her life.|
There are no spiritual insights lately, I mean, I actually ended up crying like three days ago telling God that I wanted my old life back. Silly. I just wanted to have our routine back, going for a walk, taking a shower, reading our Bibles, playing, napping, having lunch, the usual every day things we do. It's beginning to take form. I love being with her in her bedroom.
She opens the drawers all the time, takes out her clothes and brings them to me. I say, "Oh, thank you!!", and so she does it again and again, until the drawers are empty. Then she puts La Nena in, and her smurf purse, and takes them out, again and again.
And she listens to me when I read her from my Bible and just give her all my insights on what that means. She plays, and she comes and hugs me. She goes straight to the couch and starts laughing when I say, "Ahí te voy, ahí te voy", and then, very courageously, she comes at me, and we hug each other, and we lay on the floor and kiss each other. And we could do that for hours if I didn't get out of breath because of baby.
Yesterday was Kori's birthday. I made her cake. We had fun at the party, and Libby was very tired at the end because she decided to skip her afternoon nap.
|Cake for Kori|
|Daddy and Libby|
|July 4, 2012.|
|"Let's go, I'm tired..."|
I don't want this to end. I don't want to die. I want to be alive to raise my children, and see them become the wonderful people I know they will become if they listen to ALL their Mommy tells them about Jesus :))
I am thankful for my life, for all that my husband does to provide, for the lessons I have learned. I wish I could tell God, I guess He knows this is what I am feeling... but I wish I could go have a coffee with Him, and tell Him that I am very honored to know He loves me with all His heart, because I know I don't deserve it...
I wish I could ask Him to let me live forever... and He would probably say that I will. But I want to live here, with my family, with my children, with my grandchildren, I want to hug them, to kiss them goodnight, to embrace every moment I will have with them. And He will probably say that I will, at least I will see Emerson forever.
That's the beauty of the cross, to know I will have a much much better life than the one I have right now, but still... I guess it is very human to feel what I am feeling right now. I don't want to die. If I die, I know where I'm going... I will see Jesus' face.
But right now, right now I don't want to stop looking at my daughter's face, I don't want to stop hugging her every day, I don't want to stop telling her how much I love her, and how much more God loves her. I don't want to stop bathing her, and tickle her, and reading her stories, and giving her time outs when she disobeys me.
And I am a mess, and Emerson said I look like a frog - my eyes do. And see, that's the beauty of it... it's beautiful to know that in heaven there will be no tears, and no pain like the one I'm feeling right now. Everything will be the way it was supposed to be from the very beginning, even better.
This life is not all there is, but I love my life so much. I guess if I were having a coffee with God right now He would sing to me that song Libby and I love... He would sing, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Follow me."
And against all odds, against what my flesh tells me to do, you know, worrying about not really knowing when exactly I will die... against all that I could preoccupy my mind with, I will choose to obey Him, follow Him, and give Him the praise and the glory He deserves for they joy He has let me have since Elizabeth was born.
Oh, and wait, He will double the joy in October :)))
God is good. All the time.