Not just one more day

Some mornigns, well... many mornings... Okay, let's say most mornings I wake up - if I was asleep- listening to Elizabeth's cry. Either because she's up and ready for the day, or because she has been awake for a long time, but playing with daddy in th bedroom. 

I have to confess that when I wander in the kitchen at 12 am, I, excitedly, always think, "Great, I still have five hours to try to sleep", but then, after many trips to the bathroom that have nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant (oh, yeah... I'm pregnant), I usually stumble with my nemeses in the kitchen, the clock, at three and at five in the morning. 

When I see it's 5 am, my thoughts are not as exciting as I say, "Oh, God, please help me sleep, just thirty minutes, and make Elizabeth sleep in till 6:30 or 7 am", but that almost never happens.

I don't get mad at God or anything for the fact that my daughter has her internal clock very well tuned. She's up early because she goes night, nights, at 7:30 pm, or 8 pm, tops, almost every night. And this is my life, and I love it, I do love it.

So, when I hear her coming from the bedroom - either crawling or because Daddy brings her to me- my thoughts change radically to "Well, here it goes for no sleep. Oh, God, please give me stregth for one more day with this child".

By the way, I sleep in the living room lately because Elizabeth makes noises at night and that doesn't help me. 

Most mornings I  am tired, and I want to say it's because of the pregnancy, because it wasn't as bad before. I'm tired, but I get up and start preparing her bottle, and if it's very early, sometimes I let her watch Harry The Bunny, while I prepare breakfast.

So anyway...I say all this because the other day I was at the library for Libby's first story time. It was sweet being there with her and watching her chase other people's shoes, crawl with other children, almost kind of fight over a toy, get excited and actually clap for a while with a song... but I think I was more excited than she was all in all.

Learning her ABCs, never too early

Picking a book to read

But watching her being her made me remember a sermon that I heard Andy Stanley preach once about our time on earth. He made an analogy with marbles and time. 

There's actually stuff on the internet that tells you to put in a jar as many marbles as weeks you have left before say, your daughter goes to college, and then each Monday start subtracting one at a time.

At first the marbles may seem like you had a ton of them, but little by little, there will be less and less of them. Your heart will shrink as soon as you can actually see through the jar, even if that still represents years... What would you feel when you can actually count them without getting them out??

Andy Stanley's sermon wasn't like this, it was the same thing, though. He said something about putting a marble every time you read your Bible, or every time you check Facebook, or every time you read a book, etc. The jar with the most marbles will tell you what you do with your time, and ultimately your life...

At that point in my life, when I listened to this sermon, I think I wasn't even pregnant. I don't remember, but I know my full jar would've been the facebook one, but not anymore. I still check facebook, but I bet now a days the "Chase a baby all day long" jar will be the hands down winner. That, or the "Washing Dishes" one.

Andy talked about Psalm 90, which is the oldest Psalm written, Moses wrote it. I read today, before writing this, that the are different theories on when exactly it was written. 

Some commentaries suggest it was when Moses was around eighty yearls old, forty years after he had been wandering in the desert and running away after killing an Egyptian. Other commentaries suggest it was forty years after being wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt, before he died, when he was 120 years old. 

Whatever it is, or I might say whenever he wrote it, here's what struck me today:

 Psalm 90: 4 

"For a thousand years in your sight

are like a day that has just gone by, 

or like a watch in the night"

    

I wonder if Moses at the end of his life wondered what the hell had he done with his life, leading all those bastages (like Mr. Bob says), stiff necked people (like God called them)? 

Forty years being a shepherd, and then forty years being a leader, and for what exactly? He couldn't even enter the Promised Land... it was his fault, though. 

But my point is this: the people just complained, and complained all those years. It was just a some-days-trip, and these idiots -like all of us- blew it for not following God. Moses was Moses, he did right in the eyes of God, but most of us are not Moses. 

That's the Christian walk, and that's life in general. You chase after the wrong things, and then, in the blink of an eye, yo turn back and wonder if what you did with your life was worthy ... 

I think sometimes that I have to be with Libby one more day, but it might be my last one. 

What if it is? 

"Daddy, our N is here!!"

"Victorious!!"

I'm not going to overreact like some girls on bible study thinking that everyday might be my last because that's sick, and because I have to accept that fear sometimes grips my heart. 

But after story time, I reflected that a long time for me, like, an afternoon when Libby doesn't stop in four hours, is but a tiny millisecond in God's sight. 

I will be like Him, like Jesus, when I die, the Bible says so. Do I want to be in Heaven and realize that four hours weren't actually that much time? I do need rest, I do. But my daughter needs me, and she loves me. 

That's why I don't get a shower in the mornings, I rather being with her in our pajamas and read our Bibles, or sing songs, or read books, or everything she wants to do, just doing things that matter. 

I'm not perfect, but I want her to remember how silly Mommy was all the time. 

Psalm 90: 12 

"Teach us to number our days aright

that we may gain a heart of wisdom"

If you ask God to teach you something, it's because you don't know how to. That means that not just because  the days pass, in other words your life, you get wiser. I know old people who are stupid. 

God needs to teach you to number your days, so that you may grow wise at heart. This life goes by so quickly, I've seen it with Libby. There was this boy who took a cute interest in her at the library, he was like 3 years old. He looked for her, he put his face right on her face, and she actually smiled to him several times (son of a bitch...)

I'll have a talk with the boy in red next week...

I'm not thinking that tomorrow I'm gonna die, but if I do, I want to give my very best to my daughter. That's why lately although I'm tired, I don't say it's one more day because it's not. 

It's her life I'm living. That's in our prayers for them this year. That God will help us focus on Jesus, to set our minds and hearts on things above, not on earthly things. We are molding the lives of our children. They will look up to us during their childhood years. I don't want to disappoint them. And although I will make mistakes, I don't want those mistakes to leave scars that will never be able to heal.   

Mar 26, 2012. Mommy and Libby after story time.

Yesterday we had a busy day, we went for my 12-week ultrasound. Baby looks great and I'm free from house arrrest. I can walk with Libby and leave the house for more than ten minutes. YAY!! 

She got tired at 9 am, but the appointment wasn't until 9:30. So we went to the mall in front of the hospital, and after refusing to sleep for half an hour, she finally crashed at 9:20 am.  

Having breakfast at the lobby

"No night, nights"

Who's victorious now?? 

Then we went to pick up Daddy, and since we got there ten minutes earlier, we sat on the grass, but she didn't seem to like it. She did try to eat some leaves. 

Walking on the grass

My loves :))

Finally walking. We took Sammy. 

Mar 29, 2012. My loves sleeping

I'm tired now, my eyes hurt, but I'm almost finished. Chasing a baby (a baby and a toddler in my near future), doing dishes, and blogging fill my marble jars these days.

I don't know what else to say. I thank God every night for giving me one more day with Elizabeth, and every morning at breakfast we thank Him for one more day together. 

Raikika, I love you so much. Daddy loves you so much... please, never, ever, forget that.

Besides, what's not to love in this bunny who is about to turn one??  :)))

"¿Cuántos años vas a cumplir, Elizabeth? U-N-O, U-N-O"